Looking at the stars

A thousand more

2012-01-13T09:31:00.000-08:00

I really admire efficient people. They really drive the school forward.

Efficiency. Not a blessing but an effort to be made repeatedly, until it runs like water down a duck's back. Wonder where that saying comes from. Probably some quack invented it. Get it? xD

Still, I enjoyed my time at school. And well, various family things xD Hmm, my writing is mostly in staccato nowadays, I seem to have no time to dawdle too much so I'm just typing random disjointed thoughts. But soon, it's time to return to Cambridge once again, and once more locate myself between two homes. I need to start packing!

Oh, and I just received the most adorable advice and new year resolution xD

'Make it your new year resolution.It's noble to be humble, but ugly to be self-debasing.If you are religious, or in anyway spiritual, you should not underestimate the creature of god which you are.We all have beautiful potential, it's only a matter of seeing it'"Because you're worth it"

And there goes my resolution of not to make a new year resolution. Fickle. Or to take into account N's words, very readily adaptable. HAHA xD And basically simply believing, where there is a will, there is a way.

2011-12-31T08:09:00.001-08:00

Today is frankly like any other day. Butthe difference lies in the sunny optimism that grips everyone’s hearts as theywish each other Happy New Year all over the globe xD While some may find thethought of New Year a bit… dull and unexciting, I find any reason to beoptimistic quite pleasing hahaha xD

Happy New Year, everyone! xD

Today’s New Year is restful, compared tothe New Year I spent in London, Edinburgh, Reading and Cambridge the past five years with HH, N, Ki, Grandpa,ZC, HC. Each successive New Year I spent got tamer and tamer by the year, eventhough I laughed myself silly with charades and silly adverts last year so thatcan hardly account for tameness haha. Now, hearing the gentle snoressurrounding me, contrasted with the TV bearing images of people celebratingtheir New Year shows me just how much space I have for introspection, insteadof just rushing on headlong without thinking (sometimes I literally needed toget away from the crazy crowds in London and Edinburgh!), and instead of justlooking to the year ahead with my half-baked resolutions.

I call them half-baked because I don’t seemto get any less clumsy or smarter etcetera haha. But for the sake of inaneself-imposed tradition, I’ll just try being myself in the year ahead. Yup, thismeans still going ‘whaaat’, squeaking like a hariMause, just acting on whateverflight of fancy grips me even though it’s probably insane, but of course I needto keep my responsibilities in mind when it comes down to family, friends andwork. Basically, I won’t put in any conscious effort to ‘improve myself’ haha.And well, I suppose I have to keep doing what I do best xP

I must say that 2011 had been full ofsurprises and steep learning curves, but they are tempered with a lot more joyand laughter. For that I’m grateful, I have this realisation that even withwhat hindsight I had gained I will probably go through the exact same motions Idid in going through life in 2011. Lol. I make a terrible learner. But I wouldnot have learned anything worthwhile otherwise so yes, if I had any controlover the me’s in alternate universes I’m so sorry I have to make them endure allthe silly things I had done. But anyway, I digressed from my original intentionof saying –

New year, new surprises, steep learningcurves? Come what may, there will be new experiences with lots of happiness andlaughter as well xD Here’s to hoping there shall be more of the latter daystomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow! And more! xD

A to-do list

2011-12-21T17:44:00.000-08:00

I think, by this time, my family is sufficiently bored of me talking about Copenhagen. The pastries. The castles. Etc. Hahahaha (It's a family thing, we repeatedly talk about things we like, even if we said it a million times before :P) Well, I'm trying to start thinking about places to travel to with my family in June (they are coming over for my graduation! xD France is definite. But perhaps one other place. Maybe Germany? Italy? Switzerland? Cornwall again? Denmark again? Portugal again? Or perhaps Greece! AHHH there are so many places I want to see!!!!!!!!!!

And I'll be off to Singapore in a week. There are so many things I need to do before that. Like meet up with friends (but from the looks of it, this will have to wait til next time T_T) Thankfully, I've been able to meet up with family, what with the 'Tang choik' Festival. I didn't know that this was more important than Chinese New Year, and I've been missing it for... two, three years? Time sure flies and my brother is officially taller than me. Oh my little nephews and nieces seem to have sprung up like mushrooms over night. They are so much taller now :D

And I need to sort out my Cambridge application and application for masters. And in the midst of it, my headache-y research project, but hopefully I've just about sorted it out. An English dissertation that is quite nice to do. A psychology essay. Finding people in Singapore. Helping out with my cousin's wedding.

Sometimes life feels like a long to-do list. But I guess it's those random moments welding it all together which makes it awesome :) We teased our little nephew slightly mercilessly. We were like, is your name X, Y, Z and my nephew was like noooo it's HS, to which we kept asking really? Really? Isn't it X, Y, Z? So cute xD

And it is unsettling, but I think my brother is capable of doing uni work. Since he talks in the same strange language we call computer science with my sister and actually knows what she is going on about. And he understands what gibberish I am going on about too. Wow, the powers of a Singaporean education. I'm definitely applying to Singapore for PGDE! XD

Out, out, brief candle

2011-12-16T22:15:00.000-08:00

Rest in peace. All that's left of her now is the echoes of her booming voice carrying across the room, the wide-eyed look and her short swinging hair, barely grayed.

It's a happening month. But one too many deaths have I felt this year. With this, the knowledge of the brevity of life. So come what may, I'll just 'whack'. Haha, I'm getting fond of this Singaporean slang term. To me it signifies simply trying, with the emphasis on trying in the first place and not so much on whether we hit or miss. And bumbling slightly, just as I usually trundle through life. So hello dissertation *whack*. Hello insane cookouts *whack*. Hello lovely, lovely Copenhagen *whack*. And so the story goes for however long I'm allotted this life. I'm very thankful for everything which had happened so far, no matter the outcome.

Gosh this sounds so emo. I don't like emo :( But I guess losing yet another person calls for contemplation. Even if we weren't that close, she was one of the relatives I was more familiar with outside the innermost circle of relatives. As my mom calls it... it is rather emotionally draining if I dwell on it too much and let the memories bubble too close to the surface...

But all things considered, I guess everything will work out for the best in the end. So I'll continue bumbling along so that by the time I reached the end of my day I can happily say that I had lived a life with no regrets. Although eep, whacking certain things come at the cost of others although I will like to justify Copenhagen as one of the best things to recharge my inner battery. But well, that's life and I will see what it brings tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow.

And well. I'm home.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine

2011-12-07T02:28:00.000-08:00

*Beams*

So busy now, as compared to term time. Hopefully I'll find the energy to do it all.

Word vomit

2011-11-19T13:19:00.000-08:00

What am I doing, looking at cute puppy and cat videos when there is work to be done. Hahaha. I think it's a bit scary to put an infant so near a very big fat cat but the big fat cat is so fluffy and looks so snuggly that I want one. It doesn't help that facebook has a lot of cute puppy and cat pictures at the moment either. It makes me miss home terribly somehow, even as they make me feel rather hyper hahaha. Guess how my thought processes work is: puppy! - huggable and silly - I have lots of silly dogs at home - my parents have pets for their amusement - oh wait, Tarap is back home - there is a surprise waiting for him back home - ah, I wonder how he likes the new chickens we're rearing. Hm. I hope my dogs haven't eaten them yet though...!

Hahaha I wonder if I'm able to eat chicken after I return from Brunei. I guess the trick is not to become overly fond of any of them and the worst thing to do is to give them names. Can I imagine eating Feathers or Clucky or Honeycomb? *shudders*

Random thoughts. Writing for the sake of writing. Hahaha there is nothing substantial in this post really. Except maybe I'm quite glad to go back this time if I think on it? So many people I have not seen for a while, especially my cousins and nephews who I grew up with, juxtaposed with the feeling of this being my last year. You know, the need to do everything you've wanted to do before but put off. Hm, I guess in a way I've explored religion to my satisfaction already. Still there are other things like bungee jumping, sky-diving and more archery. Then there is the need to get to know people more than just hi-bye friends. Realising how futile it may be cos it's the last year and perhaps hi-bye is the way to go cos then there will be less heartache and tears when it comes down to graduation. But heck, I'm too far in to say hey, let's just be acquaintances to all the people I've met here, and ack, actually that will probably cause even more heartache to know that I've just let things fizzle cos I was lazy. (Haha, I'm really glad I went to watch 'And Then There Were None', even if I let my thoughts run a little wild and filled the shadows with too much life on my cycle back :P A murder mystery with a macabre rhyme - Agatha Christie is a downright genius xD Which reminds me I need to get the book to read the play was that good) Then I come to the realisation that I'm thinking too much again about things perhaps as an excuse not to do work :p Then again I realise that not thinking about things like these will probably make me not make the decisions that I will be happier with at the end of the day. I guess the issue is thinking on things. Not one of my strong points really. I'd think that my thoughts are like a squirrel jumping from tree to tree, refusing to settle down and examine my priorities closely. Perhaps that's why I blog cos then I'm forced to sit and write and sustain a legible thought. Or perhaps because I blog and write I allow myself the liberty of letting my thoughts act like squirrels. And Dug will *point!* out that I have a problem hahah.

And of course it is nice to once again turn my blog into a dumping ground for whatever word vomit I come up with or as a way to bookmark my sudden likes. I know it's an old song, but I can't believe I hadn't heard it til Yee posted it.

I can't describe how much I love this song right now. I actually bothered to try translating it, until it struck me that someone probably already did that (above) and now I'm just trying to absorb the poetry in the (translated) words. Haha, before, the song seems to just be able to capture a feeling, nostalgic, sweet and a bit sad. And indeed it is now that I know the words. But I feel there is more to the story in the music video. But I don't quite understand it yet. But I'll work on it hahah xD

Til the next word vomit, or a need to procrastinate :p

There shall be time for thinking

2011-11-16T16:30:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a friend today and it's a bit scary but he was arguing with me that prejudice and elitism may be necessary for society to function especially when it comes down to academia. This is on the basis that only people who had been streamlined and then had entered into academia will get their academic views heard, through research paper and things, compared to anyone on the street. Sigh. I can see his point but it conflicts with the ideology I have - of equality and education for all. I do not endorse his view, in fact, it troubles me given how convicted he seemed in asserting that prejudice is right.... I suppose it's worth thinking over. As with other things...

Ah, educational talks. So many things which will be interesting to mull over if I have the time. I suppose I have to settle for quick jotted points for now:

1. Discipline being necessary in the classroom

2. Asian discipline and Western education

3. Giving students choice and empowering them in their own learning within the classroom (inclusive education)

4. Streamlining students?

5. Stereotypes of schools, and maybe class swaps to break the stereotypes down

What else will Micheal Gove talk about in Liberal learning next Thursday? Hmmm xD

But anyway, currently I have one children's lit essay, two history essays in the making (but my supervisor seems quite chilled?), one R&I which is slightly more pressing and one full draft of English dissertation which my very awesome supervisor agreed to push forward to the first week of December. And applications. To think about. Hahaha.

Tu sei una donna determinata!!! Italian my awesome English supervisor taught me :D

Anyway I played enough this weekend (fun fun fun xD) and given that it's a work hard, play hard life here, it's time to work hard xD Then, hello Copenhagen, home of Hamlet and the Little Mermaid :)

Comics!

2011-11-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

http://www.gocomics.com/theargylesweater/2011/05/02

Oh how apt this is.

I've got to move like Jagger

2011-11-01T05:34:00.000-07:00

I feel slightly dizzy with appreciation. The people I asked to write letters of recommendations for me are super efficient! They got back to me and sent them off in a week... whereas my Statement of Purpose is sitting in a corner. Just waiting for me to brush it with some sunshine and pretty sparkly words to rid it of its pessimistic gloom.

Again, the rush of apprehension. Again, the resurfacing of doubts. I still can't believe I'm applying to the States -.-

But wow. Since my lecturers/supervisors/college tutor/DoSes are super efficient, I guess it might give me the push to be efficient myself and finish off my current essay. Must. Be. Efficient. And. Get. Moving!! Haha :D

Until next time

2011-10-30T01:52:00.000-07:00

Huuuhh, if I think about it, you can turn back time if you're living in the UK for one day of the year. And how did I spend it? What sparked off as a comment on a youtube artist's cover of Demi Levato's Skyscraper became...

A hypothesis that emo songs sung by a male lead sounds way cooler if you play the song concurrently with http://www.rainymood.com/ - it's a site which plays rain sounds back to you. We tested it with upbeat songs like Maroon 5's Moves like Jagger (too hyper). We tested it with Demi Levato's original, Skyscraper which didn't have the same kick. Then we tested it with Parachute's Kiss Me Slowly (another current addiction) and if I thought I love the smooth vocals and soothing music already, I became even more enchanted. Then we tried it with Korean boybands like Big Bang's Haru Haru (another emo song, though nearly as fast-paced like Moves like Jagger) and started giggling cos it the sound of the rain fits in with the emo-ness of the songs.

Of course, we had nothing better to do (but sleep, oh glorious sleep) at 2.30 turned 1.30am (and then we went on facebook some more tsktsk). Hahahaha. I wonder though if there is something about the pitter-patter of the rain which evokes a certain pathetic fallacy. You know. It's that point in cartoons when some poor miserable cartoon character has a rain cloud form above their head. Hahaha in books this is when the protagonist is depressed and oh, how fitting, it's raining.

N, she knows my taste in songs too well :D Ok, I'm also addicted to a couple of other songs concurrently now but if I post them all here it will just take too much effort :p

And it's been a good weekend. With minimal work done (part of the criteria of a good weekend). A formal, which was spent in a slight blur but I remember giggling lots and smiling inanely. (And thanks Charms!!! And uh, LY who got cheated into thinking that Yee is visiting from Brunei for a week hahahahah). Some shopping, and looking at home decorations and pretty mugs (Although, I need something unbreakable - implausible. Or something breakable and cheap - slightly more plausible. I think I have broken one each year I've been in Cambridge -.- ) Planned to work at night after dinner but it turned into a Really Long Nap. And here we are in Sunday, and Yee is leaving for Bath in a bit.

Until next time.

The ticking clock

2011-10-25T06:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it is a little terrifying to know what modules I have gotten myself into. And volunteering. And applications. It's a case of having too little time, each moment living long enough to die. I still love what I'm doing, but the deadlines are scary :'( On the bright side, deadlines are the incentive to get down to work. I guess I'll focus on remembering that there are people who believe in me. Lol. This is like form 4 and 5 all over again, the stubbornness. Taking on what I would like to do, even if teachers say, well, are you sure? Feeling the uncertainty midway through. But hopefully, like it was then, I'll somehow pull through in no small thanks to familial and friends' support. And the very best part of my situation now is I have wonderful supervisors who I can get on with, so it's just the annoying little voices in my head who I have to silence.

It's that time in term again when eye bags expand into a dark, poofy cushion. Hahah.

Guilty pleasures

2011-10-17T04:33:00.000-07:00

Blogging, in the small space of a half hour

Cycling to weekly lectures through cowpat field, and taking pictures. Hahaha. The best part: To my consternation, I heard someone cycling up the path whilst I was loitering and taking pictures. I looked up and this girl cycled up, with her own camera in hand... and we smiled sheepishly at each other. Hahaha I think I found a friend :p

Waking up to the view every morning :D Sunny skies, gray skies, and...

Squirrels! (there is a little gray one, can you see it? Distracting creatures hahaha, I tend to stare when they come around)

Lectures :) The more in depth, it seems, the more interesting they are :D

Whipped cream birthday fiasco

Skyping and MSN when I'm supposed to be working :p

My volunteering to teach at a house and a teaching placement at a primary school - why oh why didn't I do it earlier?? I'm having so much fun. True - it's not all play - my class control is atrocious and there is a fine line I feel I need to respect since the teacher is in charge of the classroom, so I can't exactly tell the kids off too sternly without overstepping the teacher (and I'm not too sure I can tell them off, even if I wanted to -.-). But... but!! Wow. what a difference in the teaching style. I felt I learned a lot. The class was small, with around twenty students. The teacher I observed had really effective ways of keeping the kids quiet - she clapped her hands in a sequence, and the kids joined in, but the message carries across - time to listen. There was an emphasis in group work and the kids' enthusiasm and pro activeness was encouraging (although that means that they dare to make more noise and misbehave - these three boys misbehaved really badly and the supply teacher told them off - and I really don't know how this scales on the results - enthusiasm in class doesn't always translate to good results). And even more amazingly there was an interactive whiteboard and a laptop on each desk to facilitate teaching. Waaaaah. I suppose, this is a bit like what my dream school is like. It's already out here. Hmmmmm. Oh oh oh!! Aaaaand I have the most amusing conversations with the kids. Hahahahahaa. A real guilty pleasure to the max - how do I balance actually imparting some knowledge to the kids or ensuring they do their work and learn something, or just getting to know who they are? There was this little English boy who said to this black boy that he's lucky to have curly hair, cos he could stick his pencil in it and it won't fall off. And then there was this little girl who got rather exasperated with her group partner because he kept quizzing her on her crushes and complained to me, boys are weird, I don't know why I went out with him before. And then the misbehaving boys prior to fighting some time later were quizzing me on where I was from, guessing China, Korea, Japan up til Boswana (cos I told them my country started with a B). Immediately labelled a little girl as little Hermione Granger in my head. And there was a really friendly little kid who got round to introducing me to the rest of his group members. The staff there was really friendly too and I do think the teachers I came into contact with are very pretty. Hahaha random, but they have a certain sweet, patient, demeanor about them. Of course this evaporated when the kids misbehaved but they look like they really enjoy their work. Wah. I really do hope I can be half as good in future.

Reading my bedtime book (Currently, it's Celia Rees' 'The Fool's Girl') when really, it's bedtime and I should sleep cos I will get up at eight the next day.

Listening to emo music when actually I feel like bouncing around for happiness XD I don't know why but I find most Chinese music (well, maybe just the ones I have on my laptop) rather mellow and so, emo :p But they are nice hehe. And perhaps it's the only way to settle down and work :p

No matter how transient this feeling may be... It feels nice all the same. To feel at peace and pretty much loving what the world has. And I feel this is just a glimpse at how much more wonderful experiences the world has to offer :D

Even if my supervisor and I discussed how the world sucks :p (she is awesome by the way) Haha, some context is needed - Arnold and Tennyson wrote some pretty bleak poetry about how the world is desolate and cold, perhaps because it was changing or perhaps someone they love has passed away; the difference is that in Tennyson's poem time heals the hurt and Tennyson's sister found someone to love again and the world becomes alright, sunshine-y and bright again in 'In Memoriam', but for Arnold the world still sucks except that somewhere out in the cold bleak world he has found someone to love in 'Dover Beach'. She prefers Arnold, and I, Tennyson. Hahaha goodness knows which is an accurate view of the world. Both are valid and true to the poets themselves and I guess, the two poems are not that different in essence, only the displacement in the experiences the poets go through in their lives (i.e. one newly lost a friend, one newly married) puts them in different positions. Ah, life.

I fully intended for this to be a short post. Ah well :p

Growing pains indeed

2011-10-10T07:15:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my cousin who watched me grow up. She said it feels like only yesterday since she brought me and my sis out for the usual treats - fast food, window shopping for toys - with her boyfriend now husband. And she has three kids now, though her looks seriously allow her to pass for thirty. Thirty five max. (She really looks that young hahahah)

It feels so odd, though. Reminiscing further and talking about (for want of a better vague word) grown up stuff impressed upon me the need to... I don't know, grow up and become more mature, when strangely I feel like a kid more than ever. Maybe because when I do silly things now, I actually recognise them to be silly and feel incredibly mortified, like a kid who has just figured I've done something really bad (erps, you know who you are, and you know my deepest, darkest most embarrassing moment now hahaha). But anyway, she tells me I'm a 'grown up lady'. So... what d'ya know?

It feels sort of sad, cos I (usually) have fun monkeying about and doing silly things. But sometimes I feel I have to be just that little degree more mature... especially since I signed up to teach little kids. Maths. Dumdumdum...!

Speak, and I will try to listen

2011-10-02T13:35:00.000-07:00

Just random thoughts.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-15135560

Recently, the Education Secretary Micheal Gove recommends that children are taught other languages from age five. The cultural difference truly amazes me - back home, everyone is exposed to a myriad of English, various Chinese dialects and Mandarin and perhaps officially most importantly Malay, so everyone has a spattering of something, even if the compulsory languages of English and Malay in schools doesn't always stick as well as one hopes to make a 'native' speaker. But anyway, teaching from five years old makes sense, since there's our brains and tongues are much more flexible and can get around the awkward sounds (only awkward by unfamiliarity) some languages requires us to make the younger we start. And judging by the trend of how language is taught that early start is desperately needed - my three or so years of formal Mandarin tuition has just barely equipped me to read facebook statuses written in Mandarin. Sad, I know.

But I wonder, what other languages does he recommend children be taught? The myth of the universality of the English language has left little space for anything else. In an obviously Muslim monarchy, it makes perfect sense that Malay is made compulsory in Brunei. But Britain with its multitude of races offers too many choices, and I bet it's even more difficult to get a qualified language teacher for every student wishing to be taught a said language in every school. And somehow learning languages in the classroom does not feel as effective as fully submerging themselves in another culture in the country where that language and only that language is spoken and used. In the current social climate, though, I do agree having another language under your belt is always better, since the global borders are shrinking (though the process of becoming a multilingual is far from easy).

But anyway, it looks like the curriculum is getting an upheaval in Britain. Interesting times - especially if we consider the forerunner of education seem to be taking some ideas from previously colonised and third-world countries. To be honest I can't wait to see how the policies will go and be put into practice :)

Again, I'm surprised at what I had taken for granted in my own education. Hmm.

You don't know

2011-10-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

It's so exciting to see everyone filling Homerton again! It's also been oodles of fun since I got back - shopping sessions, brunches, catching up - online can't quite cut it as much as personal contact, an upgrade from seeing people in two dimensions to live hug-able versions no matter how hours they had traveled :p And did I ever say I'm in love with my room this year? :p Though this excitement is bittersweet cos this might be it - goodness knows where I will be in a year's time.

I can sort of understand why students are afraid to apply for Oxbridge now. I'm feeling again the uncertainty, fearing that all my efforts will be for naught with a surprising intensity, compared to my A Level days where I was guided by the hand in the Oxbridge application process (speaking of which I really applaud the students back home, seeing that the level of assistance provided by the schools aren't as comprehensive and detailed to the ratio of students). Now it feels as if I'm actively carving out a future for myself and there's always this irritating voice saying, are you sure that's what you want to do? And can you actually do it? I'll just drown the voice with my current music addiction; saw it on N's wall and it's so upbeat and positive and happy :D

Anyway, shall just take good advice that I heard - just apply apply apply. Try. It's difficult to know what I am capable of, after all, until I try. So... a first class? :p

JJ shared a link which is worth a read: http://www.structuredprocrastination.com/index.php The article suggests that procrastinators are very productive and do lots more stuff excellently, except only in things they are not supposed to be prioritizing. Hahaha, it struck a chord and echoes the saying, 'Aim for the moon so if you fall, you'll land among the stars'. I need to think of a 'very important-slash-pointless' ECA to excel in, quickly, to put at the top of my list xD I shall consider aiming to be a blue in a martial art or something sufficiently adrenaline-inducing and sporty :p

Gr + e?

2011-09-28T07:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's such an effort to get out of bed, to propel yourself forwards and simply live. It's even more tiring to go on an impromptu trip up to Sheffield from London the day I touched down, get from Sheffield to Reading then Bath the very next day, only ending my crazy weekend at about 11pm by reaching London again that Sunday night.

The impromptu trip was cos I felt surprisingly homesick, and Wun had too much luggage lol. Granted, I had my week of fun in Brunei when Charms, B, A, K came over, and I had ALL summer with my parents, but I suppose having a mere 24 hours to spend with my parents after, half of it unconscious cos the week of fun is more tiring than anticipated, made leaving home more bittersweet. It didn't help that BHall felt slightly uninviting because my room at that point was crammed full with people, and I felt slightly gross post 16 hours travel, AND I don't know why but I think the combined karma Wun and I accumulated over the past year might have just been paid that Saturday (post mishaps, they are quite amusing though :p). Hence the impromptu trip with Wun - and I foresee myself heading there this December~~~ Her room is amazing!!

Whenever I think of London, Sweeney Todd's voice plays in my head - 'there's no place like London' - the tone plays sharp and bitter. London - a shopping hub, a bustling city. But being a plebeian I walk along the streets, take the tube and just feel a bit overwhelmed by the barely familiar streets and even less familiar faces. I don't think I dislike London as much as I profess though... Over the past three days it's taking once again a semblance of home as I explored the streets with HH, and I have awesome roomies in BHall, Zoo and Ili, and Zian is there too! But I guess it's still a pseudo home, and I long for the comfort of MY room, settling down, and having a retreat to return to if I feel overwhelmed.

Sometimes there is a niggling doubt at the back of my head, wondering, if this stay in London is worth it - it would have been so much easier to get back to Cambridge and forget about the GRE. Or just do the GRE without playing removal van lady. But tiring as it all is... When I consider the alternatives I guess I don't really have a choice. Economics has never really been my strong point and I've usually just gone with whatever insane whims no matter what the payoff. I'd make a terrible investor hahaha. I'm hoping I'll just surprise myself with the GRE tomorrow. In a good way. I'm not closer to being prepared than I was two weeks ago hahaha.

But that one week playing tour guide - it was simply awesome :) Haha, if I'm given a chance to relive it, I'd do it again, all 700 steps, getting tipped into the river, walking into a thorny bush, etc etc. And the company is awesome :) Uhh, Charms, you will probably read this - feel free to come back again anytime hahahaha :D

^ ^

2011-09-13T01:44:00.000-07:00

I just want to take a moment and revel.

I'll just enjoy the sensation of being awake, feeling the caress of my comforter. Making my laptop's keyboard chirrup its clickety-clacks as I blog. Give thanks that I was at least bouncy enough to engage in sparring, verbal and otherwise, with my little brother, some of the time, before he went back to Singapore. Having a parasite in my room :p Savoring the taste of food, marveling at the amount of nutrition and energy it bestows. Being able to walk up and down the stairs. Staying awake for prolonged hours to do whatever strikes my fancy; chatting or facebooking or reading news articles in the midst of GRE preparations and dissertations readings. Taking a lovely sip of water. Flinging toys on unsuspecting parasite. Attending a cousin's wedding. Mooncakes! Ahhhhhhhhh.

Life is good :D

Quixotic

2011-09-06T06:40:00.000-07:00

It's silly but the one US university that I wish to attend most doesn't require a GRE. HAHAHA.

Indulging in day-dreams is almost a guilty pleasure, since it involves zoning out everything around you, and just wandering through the thoughts dancing like a half-burned flame in your head. In this semi-reality, I strolled past different classrooms, looking at students attending lessons, playing about in class. Walking further I can hear a buzz coming from another room, and I enter to see students diligently working on their novels and poems, still speaking in the same buzz. That room is a part of this hugeee library with lots of books beckoning you with their shiny spines. And I suppose a shot of adrenaline and/or endorphin jolted me out of this daydream with a poof, as I thought, hey, this can be where I'm working at, ten years down the line.

Does such a school exist at the moment in Brunei?

It felt so real. Maybe I nurtured the memory a little bit, adding a few details here and there but it comes as clearly to me as it did a few weeks back.

If such a school does not exist, maybe, I can set one up in future?

Project: Dream School. There should be a primary section and a secondary section. In primary school, students will be drilled in all the basics. Yes, drilled. It's almost military, I know, but I have always believed in a strong foundation. 先苦后甜, basically meaning experiencing bitterness before the experiencing sweetness, and this saying is usually related to effort. Like, with practice, the burden becomes easier to bear. After practicing enough past questions, the past questions should become more readily solvable. However, secondary school should offer more leeway. I don't like the current separation between arts and science students. An opinion page article asserting that the arts subjects was easier than science subjects got me hopping mad. I'm not entirely sure of the full picture, but with my high school, a science school, the three science subjects were forced to be taken by all form 4 and 5 students, so naturally, the results distribution curve is normal. However, the arts subjects in which the students had leeway to choose between subjects such as POA, Geography, History and English Literature had a higher results distribution curve. Does these mean that these subjects are easier? To me, not really. I suspect this is because the students get to choose subjects towards which they are inclined, and of course passion usually correlates with more effort being invested, and hence, higher results. As an arts student myself I can't say I'm very fond of Geography - look at my atrocious sense of directions and I can barely tell where Czech Republic is, even though I have actually set my foot on Prague. People are well-rounded, and shouldn't be pigeonholed into one stream (I know, I'm making a value judgment there). Somehow, I think the engineer can also be a retiring poet, and likewise the literary student mad on Rubik's Cube. These types of people do exist and the evidence is all around me in Cambridge. So I guess my dream school is very societies-centric. But most of all, I want a society which encourages students to publish their own books. Marking essay questions written by students some time ago (granted, they come from fairly good schools) made me aware of the publishing potential in their stories. And also, I would like to stress that whatever passions each student has is worthwhile. There is no shame being a cook, when you can see flourishing restaurants mushrooming to feed our appetites all around town. Neither is there any shame in cleaning the toilets. Both are decent, honest livings. We need all sorts of people to run a society, not just doctors and engineers... But I guess the most fanciful part of this dream school is the library. I want it to be like the University Library of Brunei. Resources are so scarce here.

I don't know how I'll realise my dream but here it is! I shall save the technicalities for the future haha. It may be foolish of me to dream, but I shall just guard it carefully in the recesses of my mind for now. It makes me feel like there is something to work towards :)

And oh - I'll ensure that whoever attends apply to Oxbridge. Bwahaha.

Oh look, a merlion

2011-09-05T09:34:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to blog about my Singapore trip but didn't really find time up til now. Haha, and I was too busy recuperating (aka sleeping like mad) from the virus Wun shared with me :p

Anyway, first of all,

THANK YOU! Thank you. Thank You :D Thank you!

Sometimes I wish to write more, but for now it feels as if the words just wouldn't communicate itself, so I hope repetition, random capitalisation and exclamation marks will suffice.

Be it meeting up, getting me to IKEA, bringing me on a tour to NUS, going LANning, walking me back, touring the dizzying and exhilarating heights of the Pinnacle, eating together, offering to bring me to shady places to see butter, giving me the Causeway magazine, going for multiple desserts, eating chili crab and sambal sweet potato leaves, travelling on the MRT together, sending me off at the airport, trying to slaughter my virtual self, playing Penguin on the Ipad, cooking for me your signature dish... Thanks for colouring my trip with so many wonderful memories :)

Just remember to find me when you visit Brunei :D

Indeed, it has been a 'happening' two weeks.

And yes, my blogging spirit died a little, so off I go. Toodles!

2011-09-02T05:47:00.000-07:00

Death came early.

I see a lot of farewell messages peppering his facebook wall. I hope he can read them, sometime, somewhere, somehow. I suppose facebook, a scrap of paper anywhere are as likely to reach him as the other.

Rest in peace. A kind, soft-spoken and earnest soul will be missed by many.

Quotable quotes

2011-08-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

How to be Smarter: You can have whatever anyone else has: you just might have to work longer, harder or smarter to get it. Just remember that whatever you are aspiring to (a great career, a great love, a great tennis game) will look different in your life compared to someone else’s, but that doesn’t make reaching for the goal any less special or any less worthwhile.

How to be Smarter: Some people go faster as the finish line gets closer; some people crawl on their hands and knees once the end comes into sight. Some people skip across the line joyfully; some people cry when they finally finish. But even if you spent the whole race walking and not running, even if you felt like everyone else was going faster, even if the race was harder on you than someone else, you still crossed the finish line. Sometimes accomplishments are less about how fast you can achieve them, and more about not giving up during the race.

How to be Smarter: People always wonder that if they make a change and they hate it, they will always want to go back to the way things were. But to go to the other extreme, what if you make a change and you love it so much you never want it to end? If you’re going to worry about hating a change, try to also balance that view with the thought that you could love the change a million times more than you might hate it.

How to be Smarter: You always, always, always have more options than you think. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. (Even if the person telling you you are stuck where you are is yourself).

My blog is fast becoming a dumping ground for things that catch my eye while surfing the net. Hehe. But anyways, a few thought-provoking conversations after, I feel slightly less jaded as the crusty old third-year I'll thought I'll become, but sort of see my third year as an opportunity to secure my 'American dream', so to speak. Whether I'll actually get it is entirely out of my hands, but at least, I am in control of making the first step: actually trying (Gosh, the pep talks I have to give Oxbridge potentials is rubbing off on me - I'll feel an absolute hypocrite if I don't take the advice we've been dishing out hahaha). I'll have to stop using 'home' as an excuse for chickening out - my mom's words struck a chord when we were having one of our random nightly talks, this time about taking scholarships: despite their doubts, what if, in future, we regret and blame them for not allowing us to go? In a sense I'm lucky and grateful to have the support that I have had to get me so far, meeting the people I've met (you know who you all are xD) - though I'll have to say, UK, despite the riots, still have a better reputation for safety than America.

Still I'll try. If I were smart enough, I would go for it. If I were rich enough, I would go for it. It's only up til recently that I wasn't brave enough to give myself a decent chance. Will require a slap, or, more appropriately, a tickle, if I chicken out again. Hahaha.

But anyway, my very latest song addiction (yet again). Emo? Oh yeah hahaha. It's a point of contention, the type of songs I like - Yee is adamant that the Chinese songs I go crazy over are emo. I shall attempt to refute it by browsing more Chinese songs bwahaha.

And anyways, I'm glad. Yee, I'm proud of you :D The hard work paid off, and (when you read this) I hope you're brave enough to do everything you've wanted to do (except forbidden stuff, of course :p)

An assignment

2011-08-14T02:05:00.000-07:00

Hi Mau!

How are you? I hope this letter reaches you on time, seeing that it's snail mail… I wish I could use electronic mail, but then again, I don't have your e-mail address. It would be rather pointless if this letter reached you AFTER you have departed for Brunei Darussalam… And (then) there's the fact that I'm not sure if this is your address.

Well, Mau, what's it like to live in England? Is it any fun? Is the temperature mild or warm? There are so many questions I want to ask, but I guess I'll have to wait until you arrive here. But, I want to ask just this question for now… How does snow feel like? We don't get any snow at all here, but we do get some peace instead. What's the date on which you think you'll arrive here, Mau? I want to be there to welcome you at the airport, but since I'm staying at home, I guess I'll just tell you about how our home is like. Right now, while I write, I can hear my small pet puppies barking at something, probably a flowerpot. We've plenty of dogs, about ten of them. I guess my favorite would be… Oh, it's hard to decide. There's Rascal, Dopey, Precious, Splash, Whitey, Kitty, Scar, Bernie, Bunny, and Creamy. And if you wonder why some are called Kitty and Bunny, well, don't ask me, I didn't name them! I must say, though, Whitey can be more of a nuisance than Rascal. Last time, when one of our friends came to visit, we went indoors for about three minutes to get a few badminton rackets and a shuttlecock. When we came out, we found Whitey chewing my friend Clement's slipper contentedly at the other end of the garden, even though he's way beyond his puppy years! He hurriedly retreated as we menacingly approached, and we couldn't find out where he went until he strolled by us coolly later, when we were too tired to say anything to that mischievous pet.

As for indoor entertainment, we have quite a number of things to do, too. What are you interested in? If you're into video games or potted plants, perhaps decorations, then you can have some fun here, I guess. Our living room is decorated with plants and upstairs, there's the PS2 and the computers. You can always download something if you want to play it on the computer, and as for the PS2, we've a wide variety of games from Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life to Tekken 5.

Oh, gosh. I forgot to introduce myself earlier on in the letter, and I can't possibly cut up the paper just to include it in. Yet another reason why I prefer typing to writing when it comes to letters. Well, I'm WS, but both my sisters and my parents usually call me Tarap, the name of a slightly prickly fruit, due to my short and spiky hair. Our family consists of five members… Let's see, there's dad, mum, my two sisters and me. I guess I'm rather a dwarf compared to most people, though, since I'm yet to see any of the magical "Skip and Your Height Rockets Up" effects. Oh well, there's always an advantage to being short, anyways. As for my hobby, my life revolves around books and computers, and I've the thick glasses to prove it.

Hey… I know this letter might not reach you on time, so I'll scribble these last few words before dashing to the post office. Mind sending me a reply letter someday? I'd really like to know more about you and your family!

Your Distant Cousin,
WS

February, 2009

It's been a while, huh?

Sometimes I wonder what else I will lose to the passage of time. But if I look hard enough in my dusty old inboxes (being notoriously lazy in deleting old messages) or literal boxes, I find real gems. VERY lame jokes (plus the one with the doctor), forwarded messages of friendship, dusty old photographs. Reliving epic fluffiness. Chasing half-remembered snatches of songs (probably one of the hardest little things to track down, with a tendency to dance in my head for the whole day so thanks again!)

Knowing all this, I still forget to use my camera!!!!! ARGH. Twice. In two days. Even when I had it in my bag, and I fully intended to use it. I love hearing stories from my parents' generation, even if I heard it a thousand times. But I guess the frustration has peaked after getting addicted to 'How I met your mother'. It would be nice to share a laugh over the Kaizen hullabaloo, among others. But to remember, you need a memory trigger. And that is usually encapsulated within four corners, a tiny world defying time. The picture may be breathtaking, unflattering, blurry or average. Or in some cases, revealing - I was such a grouchy toddler. I only lit up at the sight of food, usually chocolate -.-

I'm hoping writing helps me remember. Here is to using my camera more often! :D

On the job

2011-08-02T08:04:00.000-07:00

There is no marked change coming over the trees here, living in the tropics, but it is the month of August already. A mere two months before my summer holidays end. In a way, holidays are overrated when the months stretch emptily before you beyond the routine-ness of daily life (and necessitated reading) - routine CAN be nice, but some excitement makes things more fun. Like potential visitors to Brunei and a trip (not the falling kind, hopefully :p) and an engagement and a wedding (lol, both not mine - hooray for the happy couples :)

Anyway, I've borrowed the Cowardly Lion from the Land of Oz to display my so called discovery about Leos, or lions, the Zodiac for August (which can actually be found here)

I may be jobless enough to go through the whole zodiac calendar - gasp. Stay tuned :p But yeah, in actual fact, the month of August is also the Hungry Ghost month. A Chinese belief that states that the gates of hell will open and unleash all the hungry spirits into this world to do... whatever they want to do.

Oh, and actually I'm not thaat jobless either. I'm on attachment for three weeks - and hopefully the experience will be worthwhile.

And another thing - selamat berpuasa to all Muslims out there :)

A cruel fairy tale

2011-07-25T07:49:00.001-07:00

There's something about the soulfulness in her vocals that gives me goosebumps <3

Do you read me?

2011-07-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

I love rainbows. They are so pretty, they speak of a journey as your eye traces its graceful arch before they merge with the horizon. Then my mind wanders to the fabled pot of gold at the end.

This pot of gold can be anything; money, status, results. Sometimes I wonder if I chase the destination too much and forget to appreciate the pretty colours weaving a pattern around me.

Anyway, I just had a thought provoking conversation. A Mathematician just said to me, omg, I was just learning how to read numbers in primary school? And it struck me how, at one point, I couldn't read. All these avenues into worlds with witches, dragons and quests (I tend to veer into fantasy) would have been shut to me if I didn't know how to read. The thought appalls me. If I suddenly lost my ability to read right now, I would feel as if someone cut a limb off.

Such a scary thought T__T

On the flip side, it is gratifying to realise that I actually can read now when ages ago, I would just put my book down in frustration because I couldn't understand the story line, or my reading was too slow for me to form a comprehensible picture of what was happening. So I guess the pot of gold is already there - it sparkles in the colours books paint onto my imagination. Much as I love reading though, I know it's a form of escapism and it paints a rainbow when it isn't really there. Oh well. At least, I can read.

You drive me crazy

2011-07-15T08:29:00.000-07:00

A random conversation deserving immortality XD The funniest part of it was the unintentional pun made by the speaker - who usually strikes me as very sane, composed and not one for making lame jokes (I know I'm being presumptuous here so forgive me) Ahhh good times.

Anyway, I love how my parents trust me a little more to drive around now. Truth be told, I view driving with an apathetic eye, neither enjoying it nor disliking it. Nonetheless, it's a skill I need to master, so I harangued my parents to let me sit behind the wheel - I can't be driven around forever, and it's about time I stopped getting lost. It's hard to think of the no's with gratitude, even though I know that behind every denial, it is worry for my safety and their love that is holding them back. And frankly, even if my driving is not atrocious, my sense of direction can be. Now, however... while they acknowledge my sense of direction, they let me drive. Trust is a funny thing. I was reading about how a thief was trusted not to run away with the money given by a prison guard to buy some equipment (from A. S. Neill's Summerhill). And he didn't, although he can. When the guard asked him why, the thief said, well, because you trusted me. So in the same way I guess I don't feel the urge to speed, try to follow the law more closely than ever and stopped haranguing them to allow me to drive - so I can keep on to that trust :)

However, my car accessory still remains most days, since google maps don't work in Brunei. Meet my lovely driving companion and partner in crime, Yee, who comes with a music function and entertainment function :P We take turns driving and all is well :)

It feels so good to be trusted.

Constant only in being inconstant

2011-07-13T06:08:00.000-07:00

Found a childhood poem!! I had no idea that this was written by Alfred Lord Tennyson, the very poet I decided to research on at the end of Easter for my dissertation :) [WANG!! Recognise this? :D]

THE BROOK by: Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
I come from haunts of coot and hern,
I make a sudden sally,
And sparkle out among the fern,
To bicker down a valley.

By thirty hills I hurry down,
Or slip between the ridges,
By twenty thorps, a little town,
And half a hundred bridges.

Till last by Philip's farm I flow
To join the brimming river,
For men may come and men may go,
But I go on forever.

I chatter over stony ways,
In little sharps and trebles,
I bubble into eddying bays,
I babble on the pebbles.

With many a curve my banks I fret
by many a field and fallow,
And many a fairy foreland set
With willow-weed and mallow.

I chatter, chatter, as I flow
To join the brimming river,
For men may comeand men may go,
But I go on forever.

I wind about, and in and out,
with here a blossom sailing,
And here and there a lusty trout,
And here and there a grayling,

And here and there a foamy flake
Upon me, as I travel

With many a silver water-break
Above the golden gravel,

And draw them all along, and flow
To join the brimming river,
For men may come and men may go,
But I go on forever.

I steal by lawns and grassy plots,
I slide by hazel covers;
I move the sweet forget-me-nots
That grow for happy lovers.

I slip, I slide, I gloom, I glance,
Among my skimming swallows;
I make the netted sunbeam dance
Against my sandy shallows.

I murmur under moon and stars
In brambly wildernesses;
I linger by my shingly bars;
I loiter round my cresses;

And out again I curve and flow
To join the brimming river,
For men may come and men may go,
But I go on forever.

Sudden peak in motivation to read, to share, to blog. Haha, no idea why I was in a rather moody mood today, even though the outing lifted my spirits a little. Yee's theory was that I was suffering from coffee withdrawal symptoms. Noooooo. Hope that's not it haha. Anyways, that was a short hiatus and I'm back to blathering whatever random thing pops into my mind again. Hahaha.

Little ironies

2011-07-12T20:04:00.000-07:00

My pattern of blogging is pretty sporadic. Boredom creates itchy fingers. The evidence is right there on my sidebar cos my blogging peaks during tripos. Oopsie. (Note: I really should work harder next year hahaha) Sometimes I blog when I am stressed. Although when that happens, I will wait until my stress subsides and read it again. Usually, I don't post those. Life is a roller coaster with its ups and downs and no matter how you feel your heart shatter, time is a morphine to pain. For another, placing your words out there is like presenting a cadaver of yourself for the world to see - so I might consciously or unconsciously try to pick my words carefully to veil the ugliness in my mind before it is being transferred into cyberspace, perhaps, for eternity. Especially here, where there isn't a friend lock function unlike in LJ.

Here I am, talking about how I don't post everything about my life, yet the very way I write opens a little window into the way I think. Possibly, a casual observer will learn more from my blog than actually talking to me. How... sad. Haha. But a faceless audience is sometimes easier to cope with. You can imagine them responding the way you hoped they would. And you can imagine there actually is an audience :P

Sometimes, given my values on privacy, I wonder why I blog at all. My itchy fingers can always do other things. Like write somewhere else, offline hahaha. Or is there this innate psychological craving to make a connection somewhere, or to leave an indelible mark to show that I exist? I'm hovering between calling a blogging hiatus or treating my blog as a battlefield to see just how far I can go out of my comfort zone.

Just because.

(And yes. I scrapped what would be a post on elephants, cream puffs and protocol, like so many other posts before. It's too long a tale haha. And yet again, here I am, ironically talking about elephants, and by doing so, immortalising them, when the mere thought of them is enough to make me shudder at the moment. Maybe it's a form of catharsis hahaha.)

...

2011-07-08T02:56:00.000-07:00

Internet is... slow.

Service is... slow.

My breakdown is... slow.

Life is... slow.

(I can be quite... slow)

At best, I'm plodding along one heartbeat at a time. Living here, at home, feels so surreal since I feel strippe of any sense of urgency. Everything is calm, like the surface of a pond on a beautiful cloudy day (the sun makes it nearly unbearably hot hahaha). Even the internet feels despondent, responding languidly to my urgent clicks on camsis, facebook, my current online series addiction and everything else. Daytime, the stillness of the house, punctuated by the whirring of the ceiling fan. By night, the crooning of the crickets and the occasional chirp of a night creature. When I go out (Monte Carlos is surprisingly good by the way) I feel the same calm, with no sense of needing to get back asap to my work and I can soak up and enjoy the company - it has been a while so I suppose the saying absence makes the heart grows fonder has an echo of truth.

What a change from the exhausting, efficient and enthusiastic Cambridge life. Haha. I'm fully aware this is probably my last holiday (discounting having to think about my dissertations) if I don't manage to extend my studies, that is. Still I feel restless and pace about and annoy my family with random bursts of energy and my itchy fingers got doodling again.

It's a different style, inspired by Owlcity's blogpost: The Real World.

He writes poetry :D And I.... have a lot of drawing practice to do. Blehh hahaha X)

I wonder if my restlessness with stay with me like an itch I cannot scratch or if I will slowly stagnate into the calm surface of the pond by the end of these three months? I'm far from bored since I find things to do but even as I do stuff or multitask I feel restless. I feel I can do more. Til my adrenaline shoots up as I race with time again. Maybe that's it. I feel like I have all the time in the world.

A nice change, perhaps. But odd.

Home...?

2011-06-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

So, I've been back for the weekend. Spent my two days trying to maximise time with my little/ not-so-little-now-that-he's-grown-taller brother, be it beating him in Bleach (the satisfaction was short-lived, I lost the rest thereafter :P), reading quietly side by side or engaging in poking/ tickling wars (of which I'm currently immune bwahahaha :P) Two months won't be too long :)

'Everything is as it was, I discover when I reach my destination, and everything has changed' A quote from Micheal Frayn's 'Spies' seems really apt right now. Met my relatives too and I'm struck by how similar and yet different they felt. Maybe it's from the age. All older, wiser. Babies are now running toddlers, and there are some new additions to the family. I suppose it's the change in perspective as well. As a kid, I hid behind my mom while staring at the adults that dwarfed me. Some of them still do :P But I can talk to them more easily now.

And wow I can't believe it's been that long since I blogged -.- I've been really busy. Traveled to Cornwall where you do not put cream into your tea during cream teas, ate lots of ice cream and good food, slacked by the sea, got bombarded by the digested remnants of a seagull's dinner, walked around, discussed oily innards of poor cows. Then there were the CUMaS, CUMSA and Homerton Garden Parties - in random order, the bookmark, gladiator duels, kites, great food, free ice-cream, childhood snacks are worth mentioning :D Then there was the Queens' May Ball. I really haven't the faintest idea how we spent 9pm to 6am hahahah. It seems like a blur of queuing up for food, talking, eating the food, talking, take pictures, queuing up again hahaha. Oh, we did spend quite some time with the unicorn made of flowers XD It was a magnificent and sweet-smelling piece of art hehe. And some ceilidh (pronounced kay-lee) at the end. Oh, and magnificent Old Town white coffee before the ball started. I'm going to look for it the next time I go shopping :D Is it worth it? Given the entertainment, the free scarves (oops they ran a little in the first wash), the decoration, I would say it's money well spent albeit expensive. But as always, company is the major factor for events like these and made it even more fun :D

I'm glad to be home (That was a genuine conversation with my mom by the way hehehehe) But I'm also missing the people in Cambridge. It's a funny feeling to have a family in both worlds but I won't have it any other way :)

Decisions, decisions

2011-06-08T14:52:00.000-07:00

I've returned to my crazy philosophy of just saying yes for some time now. Hahahaha. Saves me from indecisiveness. It's been fun. Cooking, swimming, reading, shopping, impromptu trip to London (and now an impromptu trip to Bedford) and the likes.

Anyway I have a dilemma as to what to take for next year. Everything looks so interesting!!!

After my initial scare I've once again returned to setting my heart on doing two dissertations (my DoS was saying it's not advisable to do two, especially with poor time management skills). It's the research and reading and exploring which intrigues me, especially once I've set my heart on finding out something. If I was a cat, curiosity would have killed me many times over. Children's literature, for sure. But with regards to my education papers, I am looking at choosing between psychology and history for the subjects module. I am torn between interest and utilitarianism. Psychology has so much practical advice on offer in a classroom. Ways to deal with motivation, misbehaviour, etc. History, on the other hand, looks at how social shifts caused changes in education. Wouldn't it be simply amazing to see how the shifts were drawn in the UK, and then go back and look at Brunei's own educational system and see how it too has changed over the years by applying what I would have learned from the history module? I certainly can do both these modules. But then... There are other special papers to consider. Creativity and Thinking - a reintroduced course. Not much information I'm afraid, on the website. I'm a bit scared of the philosophical aspect though. Educational Inclusion and Diversity looks interesting because of the notion of fairness inherent in the course title - wouldn't it be wonderful if the course paves the way for making education more equal and destroy the social stratification inherent in the educational system? And there is good old Practical Criticism - if I'm going to teach I should be able to draw up an essay comparing two texts in a jiffy. Which I quite enjoy, except that the idea of competing with 200 more competent fully English students (English as in subject-wise) for the final exams (it's a compulsory paper) scares me.

I have to choose five. Two dissertations and children's lit is set. Two more to consider.

Advice if any is much welcome. What's a future aspiring English teacher to do? Hahaha :D At any rate, blogging will keep the questions in focus! And I should really see how the past year papers are like to further inform myself what will be tested...

Berry berry good

2011-06-01T02:29:00.001-07:00

Finally!! This idea has been circulating in my head for ageees :D Hehehe. It came about when I was justifying eating cakes with E. You know the drill - you ideally should have 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day. And look, my cake has strawberries bwahahahaha XD
[Edit: Many thanks to my sharp-eyed bro who noticed that the last panel's strawberry was still there even after I had 'eaten' it. Corrected it now hehe]

PS. This is entirely fictional, I had never eaten 5 generous slices of cake. To be honest, I've never really tried... And too scared too see if I can actually finish it :p
PPS. E =/= purple blob. Hahaha
PPPS. Merlin!!!! XD XD XD

And well, I know you still might have exams. Please don't hate me, I wish you all the best!! :)

1

2011-05-30T06:45:00.000-07:00

RAWRRRRRRRRRRR.

Ever get the feeling you haven't done enough? The most frustrating feeling ever. I wanted to write pages and pages and pages more. Sigh. Oh well. Trying to console myself by thinking that's the best one can do with time constraints. (Again, why I like dissertations, you can really explore a subject versus racing with time) Most ironically, that's my favourite paper in the whole course -.-

But just one more. Uno. Satu. Jik eh. Yi ge. Hahahaha. One more paper then I'm done. Hopefully I will get to say what I want to say in good time. Or have enough things to say. Lol.

And as my lovely 'daughter' says, it is the experience of the course that counts. Yeah... :) It is a really enjoyable course.

Then Yee will coming be over and my holidays would start :D

Story time!

2011-05-28T07:46:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd catch up on Taylor Swift news. She just debuted her new music video for 'The Story of Us' this week.

I love the story book concept of the lyrics, the school setting, etc XD Mirroring effect XD But... I keep looking at the books in the music video. And thinking... Ah. I really should get back to my books. It's a sign hahaha.

On the very, very bright side, I have two papers left, Shakespeare and Lit Crit. I don't know, when I take English papers in general I think oooh, they are quite fun (although admittedly if grades reflect their level of fun, they are not that fun after all haha). Preparation is fun too - reading interesting plays, criticism and what not, usually accompanied by soft music playing in the background. So I'm very much in holiday mood already -.- And thinking of sunsets and corn dogs and pastries and cream teas even as Macbeth murders sleep for the fourth time. You'd be surprised at how many eating imagery Shakespeare associates with death -.- Hm. I quite like this mood except a niggling part of my brain recognises that productivity is at stake.

Anyway, a few more days before I start on my post exam projects. Wheee!! XD

D-day!

2011-05-24T03:17:00.000-07:00

Can't do more at this point.

But I can't undo what I've learned either.

Wish me luck!!! :D

Then it'll be one less paper to study for :D

Good luck to you too if you're sitting exams!! :D

Time to disappear

2011-05-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

E's assessment: My chair is either too comfortable or I might be too bored or tired. Hahaha, it's the third time I dozed off after sitting on a chair, simply reading stuff.

But it's refreshing and naps give the mind an alacrity that wasn't there before and I guess I know why the confidence question bothers me so much. It goes against my expectations that anyone will want to hurt people wittingly. As it is I feel a lot of welfare love from everyone around me every single day. Little things they may seem, a note, a pack, a message but who knows, maybe it is that, or maybe it is something else but it's easing up a lot of stress.

The right mixture I suppose can make worries disappear. Like this glass:

Hehe, I think I'm blogging a bit too much though, might be about time to disappear. Ok, out :D

I have confidence in sunshine

2011-05-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

What is the purpose of asking how confident one is for exams?

Sure, it may work for other people, spur them on to work hard. Or to gauge how hard they think they have worked, measured against the asker's perception of how hard they worked themselves. But that question pisses me off every time. All the way from secondary school.

When someone asks me that question, I have a choice of two answers. First, I am confident. So that must mean I prepared and read everything right? So that will mean I will get a first right, or top of the class right? Nope. How can one cover everything in a field? There is always more to learn, more to know. So that means I am not confident? But that would mean that I have to do more, more, more. One day to exam, and I haven't covered everything. Panic mode on. And panic would just be counterproductive.

What does this question serve? I always bore a grudge to this question cos I always viewed it as something to boost the asker's ego. Sure, I might say I'm confident now, then when results day come out the asker can just file up this memory for the first or not-so first I will inevitably get. But to say I am not confident is to make (or so I perceive) the asker feel better, cos everyone is in the same boat of being very unsure of where they stand, at the cost of making me feel worse. To be fair, this is just how I perceive the question. I'm sorry to misjudge if it is just an unfortunate choice of words. Confidence has too many connotations of pride, haughtiness. I'm sorry if this choice of words is another phrase simply asking me, am I ok? It is so bad to misunderstand when people actually care for me and I bite the hand that feeds me. But it has happened before, the question, the gleeful look on the asker's face when I scramble for words, so that is the only thing I associate this inquiry with. When I quit my Additional Maths tuition after a year cos I didn't think I would need it and because there are better things to do with my parents' money, Ting told me that the teacher said, 'This girl is very confident that she can get an A without me'. I really doubt the teacher meant it in a nice way.

So yes. That phrase pisses me off. To have confidence in exams just views knowledge as something to be examined, and cries out against loving knowledge for its own sake. Exams are supposed to be a marker of what you know, right? To be fair, our culture makes knowledge a commodity, and measures it with results. But I don't want to be another cog in the machine. I hope that I can be a teacher who teach children to love knowledge for its own sake, although, yes, you do have to be examined on it and it is necessary to pass. Ugh. It's such a delicate balance and yes I know I'm spouting idealistic rubbish, fed by all the theories of childhood and learning that I've been reading up. Reality muscles in. I still need to pass. But how I hope that enjoyment for learning can somehow show through the script as the examiner is marking and the situation for exams will be: ah, this child loves their subject and it shows so let me reward some marks, not just, ah, this child should be awarded marks because they studied. It's a pass to study more deeply at the next level and not study to pass the exam situation. You know, like the eat to live or eat to live question.

I still dislike that phrase intensely. On the matter of confidence in exams, that's the only thing I can be confident about.

Do you remember?

2011-05-19T10:13:00.000-07:00

(Poem #1969) The Word

Down near the bottom
of the crossed-out list
of things you have to do today,

between "green thread"
and "broccoli" you find
that you have penciled "sunlight."

Resting on the page, the word
is as beautiful, it touches you
as if you had a friend

and sunlight were a present
he had sent you from some place distant
as this morning -- to cheer you up,

and to remind you that,
among your duties, pleasure
is a thing,

that also needs accomplishing
Do you remember?
that time and light are kinds

of love, and love
is no less practical
than a coffee grinder

or a safe spare tire?
Tomorrow you may be utterly
without a clue

but today you get a telegram,
from the heart in exile
proclaiming that the kingdom

still exists,
the king and queen alive,
still speaking to their children,

- to any one among them
who can find the time,
to sit out in the sun and listen.

-- Tony Hoagland

Credits to Wandering Minstrels

Such an awesome, resonating poem <3

Anyway, I need to remember - reading around the subject is fine. Digressing to the max is fine too. Knowledge can be for knowledge's sake, and unexplored paths are meant to be trodden. I had forgotten that it never hurts to read more around the subject :)

One Weak Week

2011-05-18T07:50:00.000-07:00

Removed my cbox cos it was getting filled with spam. Grrr.

One week~!!!

I'm so apathetic it's scary. I really just can't wait for it to be over.

I learned something new in my supervision though!! :D Heads up for minor geeky-ness hehehe

The Petrarchan Sonnet's History:

There lived a priest, a long time ago in Italy. While practicing his priesthood he caught a glimpse of this beautiful woman. Her name is Laura. Obsessed, he denounced his priesthood and confessed his love. She, being married, rejected him. And he spent the rest of his life writing the most exquisite love poems.

Number 134 (as translated from Italian by Antony Mortimer)

I find no peace, and have no arms for war,
and fear and hope, and burn and yet I freeze,
and fly to heaven, lying on earth's floor,
and nothing hold, and all the world I seize.

My jailer opens not, nor locks the door,
nor binds me to hear, nor will loose my ties;
Love kills me not, nor breaks the chains I wear,
nor wants me living, nor will grant me ease.

I have no tongue, and shout; eyeless, I see;
I long to perish, and I beg for aid;
I love another, and myself I hate.

Weeping I laugh, I feed on misery,
by death and life so equally dismayed:
for you, my lady, am I in this state.

Awww. Poor thing. Was unaware that the Petrarchan sonnet has so touching and tragic a past. But really, what madness to denounce everything for an image. But what an image that is. It's number 134 - one image, up to that point, can create one hundred and thirty four poems and still won't let Petrarch rest. The legacy of the Petrarchan sonnet lives on until today and so many, Shakespeare included, wrote in reply to Petrarch.

And just for fun, I will include my favourite Shakespearean sonnet! :D

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

Incidentally, this is called an anti-Petrarchan sonnet because it completely subverts the image of the ideal woman that Petrarch writes about. Yeap, Shakespeare adapted the Petrarchan form (i.e. the iambic pentameter and rhyme scheme) for his own ends, but the discrepancy is not so great that we can still tell that he borrowed from Petrarch. Conversation established, Shakespeare is telling Petrarch a thing or two about a more realistic type of love. My supervisor was saying Shakespeare has been said to be sexist for he says some really unpleasant things about his dark lady - wires, a reeking breath? Oh dear. But really if everyone are princes/ princesses then Disney won't exist! D: Hahaha. A change from stereotypes always make a refreshing change :D

Enough digressions. Back to work.

Ketchup day

2011-05-08T16:05:00.000-07:00

The world seems to shimmer with promise today. Pathetic fallacy to the highest degree hahaha. I slacked a lot but it's worth it, every moment :)

An interesting start to the day. A good catch-up lunch. A good catch-up dinner. Two most adorable 'daughters' in the whole wide world (Lol, I really feel like a mom now :P). A wonderful recital. Two productive hours :p

Of all instruments, I still like the flute the best x3 I can't wait for youtube videos of the recital to appear!!

And of course:

This has got to be one of my favourite pictures :3

PS. But next time, I'd expect to see a 'V' shape instead of a downhill slope, Tarap! :P

I was hiding under your porch because I love you

2011-05-07T14:56:00.000-07:00

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Smile. Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends? Yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over. ~Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997

Please keep on smiling and stay sane.

Happy wedding anniversary, happy mother's day, happy birthday.

It's that time of the year again.

Sunday

2011-05-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

:P Zay is good with kids too :P Hahahaha.

There was this little girl running about in CNR on Sunday and she suddenly took a liking to Pong, Zay and I. Very cute and very fair. But the most striking thing about her was how unafraid she was (Reminded me a little of my nephew heehee XD) She would walk up to strangers and act as if they had been friends forever. And play. It's amazing how unafraid she is. Even as a kid and unaware of social protocols and what not I think I hid behind my mom a couple of times. I sort of envy (for want of a better word) her bravery, just going all out like that, cos usually you have to think twice, weigh the consequences. Try not to appear silly? But when you're about knee-high its simply adorable hahaha XD Zay and I had the greatest difficulty trying to order food lol - played babysitter instead. Sorry Pong :P

The session in London felt a lot like a time to catch up with friends - saw so many people :D :D :D Anyway, His Majesty talked about how he hoped we as scholarship students will remain patriotic to the country and return. There was patriotism all right in the swarming people, jostling to shake their hands, take pictures. Although admittedly I also think feedback and actually talking to them was more of what they hoped for in the meet and greet session, but there you go. There is only so much one can do when the ratio is about 1 to 2000 attendees. I have to admit I just stepped back and got lost in a corner where there was slightly more oxygen hehe. My patriotism only stretches that far, sadly, but one thing's for sure - I'm going back home at the end of the day :)

It's a funny world

2011-04-30T00:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, I got hooked to 'Merlin' on BBC IPlayer. It's now become my meal time viewing pleasure :P Don't really recommend watching though because level of addiction is quite high given the level of continuity between episodes. It's a remake of the King Arthur tales, a director's creative interpretation of what happened in those days XD This time, Merlin is an apprentice to Arthur and it's really entertaining to see them squabble :p Among other knight-sy stuff.

Arthur to Merlin while doing an inspection of Merlin's messy room in search for evidence of witchcraft: 'Merlin, look what I found. A cupboard'

Merlin: You guessed it. I'm psychic.
Gwen: No you're not.
Merlin: I can guess what you're thinking now.
Gwen: What?
Merlin: You're not psychic.

(Arthur and Merlin said to be two sides of the coin)
Merlin: I'm only one side of the coin. The brighter side, obviously.

Arthur: I tell you Morgana, you're going to get hurt
Morgana: So would you. If you get in my way.

Really witty script XD

But anyway. Episode two *spoiler alert* Why did characters just not get Knight Valiant to use another shield??? So I searched the net for the importance of shields and what not. There is a lot of honour attached to the shield, especially the emblem. So is it insulting to suggest a swap of shields? Or granted there are many different types of shields and weights and so it is very disadvantageous to either knight to swap for a new shield. Why why why. Hahaha. Otherwise it's a very perfect script.

*Continues watching* XD

Oh by the way yesterday was the royal wedding. They served 'royal' cupcakes in the buttery with cute little edible flags. A real patriotic fervour, hehe. And in the meanwhile, while watching it with the homies, I can't believe it took me nearly a month to find out that other people *coughcough* used my phone for prank purposes. Fail lol.

To each their own

2011-04-28T06:11:00.000-07:00

As I listened more and more to what is being said at the PGCE meeting, the more I realised that is not the course for me. Sadly.

The PGCE here is going to gear trainees to teach according to the National Curriculum through putting the trainees through comprehensive state schools. The National Curriculum for English is pretty awesome in that it increasingly covers the media and film in addition to traditional book learning. It follows with the trainees applying for a paid job at a school for one year to complete the course. This job can be taken outside the UK.

The course sounds really brilliant, putting emphasis on classroom experience, making the trainees engage in creative activities (and this bit of the course looks really exciting!) and have a good support system where trainees gather with their supervisors once a week to exchange ideas on how to improve their teaching.

But um. The course is tied to the National Curriculum, which means a system of GCSEs and A Levels with OCR, AQA and Edexcel. Brunei's education system runs on a different evaluation system. And, the students in state schools are different from the students in Brunei in terms of their backgrounds. Sure, they come from a wider variety of backgrounds and ability, so that would mean a trainee will get more experience but given that I'm bonded to teach for 10 years I might as well just dive in head first into teaching my target audience. And I really doubt I will end up in an equivalent of a comprehensive state school. The trend has been such that fresh graduates who are bonded will go to schools like MS. While it is a government school, it is the cream-of-the-crop government school. I grant that a PGCE here will give many, many fresh approaches to teaching and theoretical insight, but I think the benefits of teaching straight in the culture that I'm supposed to teach at the end of the day will probably win out. And there is only so much one can do with theory. I think I learned more from my two-week stint as a very under-qualified teacher than the six weeks I had in total simply sitting at the back of the classroom just observing the students in three different schools.

So. One down.

Anyway, my Easter term just 'freed' up. My lectures for the term got canceled at the English Faculty. Think the professor is away on leave or something. That means... more time for revision I suppose haha.

Hakuna matata

2011-04-24T06:12:00.000-07:00

You know you can get sick of studying and demotivated. So off to bed you go with a heavy heart, hoping that tomorrow will be a better day for studying.

Then I was dreaming. I was still studying in my sleep :p But the difference is, I dreamed that I was being given the opportunity to study. At a good university. Where not everyone has the opportunity to attend. So I might as well make the most of it.

LOL. Super awesome dream that I had a couple of days ago. But yes, the point was driven home especially after I talked with a senior the other day. It's easy to forget how privileged I am to study here - she wants a masters, but that costs money. I don't really have to worry about finances. Basically I'm being paid to study. So yes, I shall try to make the most of it :)

Our revels now are ended

2011-04-20T23:41:00.000-07:00

When HH left, it really felt as if my holidays has officially ended. Sigh. It was fun; punting, chatting, watching Big Bang Theory (I've finally caught up!), eating chocolates :P I actually have a few more days before lectures recommence.

Rather strikingly, HH said that Cambridge has a 'school' atmosphere. People work hard, sleep for seven hours, there's a rather stressful environment in the air. I've never actually noticed, living in this bubble. I know we probably have to work harder than other people, but I've never thought that it would be such a stark contrast that even someone from LSE (LSE!! And LSE is right up there on the rankings) will mention it.

So... what am I actually working for?

A first would be nice. A 2.1 is a must. But why? I suppose a 2.1 will at least give me the license to decide what I want to do after this, perhaps apply for an MPhil or PhD. Maybe I want to become a lecturer. Or should I just go back and start my teaching career to support my parents? Decisions, decisions.

Anyway. Actually I just realised working 8 hours is not too bad (true, half of mine are probably not as productive as it should be) but it is manageable. And I get to relax apart from studying too :)

Worth watching and remembering hehe. Code-switching is so rampant here! Different people, a different language. I'm guilty as charged :p Quite an interesting phenomenon.

And to destress:

And of course there are those random talking sessions which are really enlightening and helpful and well, just pleasant :) It never ceases to amaze me how talking through things lets so many different issues come to light and get sorted. Of course, very rubbish, non-intellectual random convos are super fun too hahahaha XD

Anyway, my timetable is out! 25/5 to 31/5. I really hope that I can travel after exams before I leave cos I doubt I can do so in my third year. Although if I knew my exam timetable earlier I might have been tempted to skip the May Ball I've signed up for - it's been ageees since I last saw my little brother and his holidays start at the beginning of June. But oh well, the flight ticket had been booked weeks before and since BHall had purchased it, it would be problematic to change. Two days, I guess, will have to suffice. Better than nothing :)

Saveeee meeee from post-trip blues!

2011-04-08T18:24:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed the trip, such a blast :) Lots to learn, lots to experience. Umm... For instance losing too much salt induces vomiting. Haha, I never learned that much about electrolytes before! Circumstances prescribed otherwise. Apart from that highlights of the trip were:

This Jewish synagogue which was a tribute to the otherwise nameless dead; it's really, really sad to realise just how many people from this one small town were killed. And it was only one town. ONE. I shudder to think of the many, many killed in reality, in cold blood. It's a bit morbid but I really want to visit a concentration camp. I guess, in a way, it's a form of respecting the dead, recognising how they lived, suffered and were murdered. Rest in peace.

Schonbrunn Palace and the Sisi Apartments. I have to say I loved the audio guides! The tour was made extremely personal and informative with them and even without the audio guides seeing how the royalty lived and their lifestyles. And their limited freedom. Haha, despite what the others said about Sisi being a drama queen for not being happy even though her husband loves her, being allowed to travel, being able to eat ice-cream every dinner, being supremely beautiful, I can sort of see where she comes from in her feelings of entrapment to duty.

Prague Castle! The views at the top were amazing! XD The view from Charles Bridge was amazing too! Basically all the views were amazing! The sunsets even better! Although I liked Prague better than Vienna architecturally (cos I like crazy little homey alleyways and cobbled streets, more specifically to walk on than to run on :P), Vienna has a certain grandeur that is pleasing to the eye.

Our accommodation in both places were amazing (with the exception of our cheap hostel in Prague where the bed actually sank like a small valley but then again you get what you pay for haha)

Completing pledges. Hahaha.

Most importantly, the people traveling :D So many moments of laughter, companionship and fun :D :D :D We were so silly sometimes heehee XD Yup yup, traveling is a pleasure :D

What am I doing these days? Studying. Fun gatherings :P (Even though it is the Easter holidays, Cambridge is far from 'dead' - there are still so many things to do!) Big Bang Theory. And I guess I'm fighting the Z monster in its many different forms. It's slightly frustrating... my dear daughter would know... and I am napping most afternoons now after a meal when I could be working. Second time this week? And it's only Thursday D: So I really must shuttle myself to the library every afternoon >> Then again, Ms. HHL is coming tomorrow! :) To 'study' with me. And hopefully we can get enough work done to go out and play :D Fingers crossed!

Gasp. And now I really should look up some vegetarian recipes.

Waiting for yesterday

2011-03-27T01:25:00.000-07:00

I'm quite excited cos I'm off to see a really good friend whom I haven't seen for ages. Simply ages!

Funny how time flies. It seems only yesterday when we were mucking about in practical classes and mixing reagents and things (hahaha yes, super wasteful). Having lunch together. Copying homework lol. Getting awed by her drawings and as a consequence tried to imitate her style a little (shhh ;). Hanging out last December with her and Miss America haha. Getting annoyed :P

I had one of those conversations yesterday. You know. The nostalgic kind. Yee and I just talked about teachers and things and it was easy to grow quiet. Easy to think that those high school days that we were talking about are not too different from the uni days I'm going through now. Easy to realise that I will be talking about my uni days with the same nostalgia some day in the future.

Funny how my brain operates at 2am in the morning hahahaha.

On the other hand, holidays have started about a week back. Cookouts, sleepovers, running, trampolining. A bit of caving coming up too! Hahahaha.

Nope, I don't see studying in that list either :P Hahaha.

Sigh. Resolve and courage. Sort things out most easily. Work beckons. And I lack them both.

Working it out

2011-03-14T06:20:00.000-07:00

I was just saying, if I worked solidly for 4 hours, I'd be so proud of myself I'd give myself a day off.

Focus, dedication and drive in my studies. Where are they now?

I don't know. My priorities have been slowly changing. I still panic over deadlines, but I suppose it's more out of a sense of obligation than anything. Perhaps it's a carry on effect from my pre-university days, where I cared too much about what my family, friends and teachers think of my grades. They measure you by your grades sometimes, it's a social phenomenon which is a bit difficult to avoid. And I guess I performed better with those expectations, being afraid of letting people down.

Now... a few accidents, a sense of how short life is, has slowly pushed the queen of homework away. I don't feel like I need to better anyone in my studies any more. I just want to study what I like, at my own leisurely pace. And books will always be there, people won't.

That said, Froebel is waiting. I shall attempt to work solidly for 4 hours so I can take a day off tomorrow. HAHAHA XD

Video spam :D

2011-03-10T03:27:00.000-08:00

It might be because it is week 7, but the propensity of people posting inspirational videos on facebook has increased. Hehe :)

They are simply amazing and inspirational. Shows how much one can do. When I watched them, they reminded me of one of my favourite Japanese songs XD

Chorus lyrics and translation:

Please dont’ say “You are lazy”
datte honto ha crazy
hakuchou tachi ha sou
mienai toko de BATAashi surundesu
honnou ni juujun chuujitsu honrou mo juujuu shouchi
zento youyoudashi…
dakara tama ni kyuukei shichaundesu

Please don’t’ say “You are lazy”
because I’m actually crazy!
The swans, that’s right
what you can’t see is that they thrash about when swimming!
I’m obedient and loyal to my instincts, I’ll even accept being made fun of!
A bright future is offered to me…
that’s why I take a break once in a while.

I love the metaphor. No matter how calm or beautiful one can be on the surface, everyone is in the same boat. Is it pessimistic to take on Froebel's view that life is a struggle? (yeap, he is who I'm writing on now haha) Perhaps. But when you can accomplish the swan's majesty in the end - won't it be worth it?

Who knows, you might already be there! :D Everyone has their own talent, be it singing, playing the piano, or boiling an egg :P

Super good mood. And well. Congrats to you know who you are for physics :) It came from all your persistent hard work :)

Sedikit lagi!

2011-03-08T16:40:00.000-08:00

I want the strength to give a bit more and do the best I can. And it's just a little longer. Just a bit more.

Nothing is impossible!

Rawr.

That said. I think student life sometimes borders on ridiculous. If I were a Martian visiting planet Earth for a day, I will wonder at the work-procrastinate-workfuriously cycle we seem to get ourselves into. And this term, this is on a more regular basis. Haha. I guess wanting to make the most of my uni life has, as with everything, a price.

On the other hand my current song addiction is helping XD Heard this the other night and looked it up. The instrumentals are so soothing to a tired mind and just cascades over in a melodious wave. Although the screaming fan girls are a bit distracting. Lol.

And coffee seemed to have stopped working. Lol. Just as well.

Things that make a good day

2011-03-07T01:28:00.000-08:00

Tick all the boxes that apply
1. Sleep for more than 4 hours [x]
2. Listen to at least one song [x] Wake up alarm should count right?
3. Chat with family [x]
4. Eat breakfast [x]
5. Check facebook Disclaimer: Too much facebook will actually decrease the sense of goodwill due to the pull of procrastination in the face of an essay crisis [x]
6. Sort out supervision [x]
7. Finish Shakespeare essay [ ]
8. Type up notes for dissertation [ ]
9. Catch up on lecture notes [ ]
10. Actually attend lectures [x]
11. Sort out society stuff [ ]
12. Leave room to talk to people [ ]
13. Family liking Vandance [x]
14. Finish reading for Shakespeare essay [ ]
15. Cuddle in duvet/ cuddle Dug [x]
16. Remember to eat other meals during the day
17. Sort out more society stuff [ ]
18. Blog to destress [x]
19. Drink enough water [x]
20. Have a meal with friends [ ]
21. Chat with friends [ ]
22. Don't think too much and be optimistic [/] Halfway there
23. Stare at cards [x]
24. Go with the flow [ ]
25. Stop thinking of twenty five things at once. [ ]

There is a saying on a t-shirt E saw once.
'Here is a woman, don't talk to her, she is thinking of 25 things at once'
Ooops. Hahaha :P

And I need to add to that.
26. Stop adding more things to the 25 you already have. GREEDY! Haha.

Yeah, we're going down

2011-03-02T09:22:00.000-08:00

I slept through several alarms just now. I just woke up. It's now 5.30 pm. PM. AHH!!

I've slept through alarms before but this is slightly insane cos I had a good 8 of hours sleep last night and have no reason to sleep for 3 more hours. I suppose fatigue does hit people but I ~~think~~ thought I was invincible. Lol. Well, cos when I come back into my room, Dug runs out to meet me. Sort of. He runs out, hits the wall, starts licking the screen, then runs off. Haha, he's my laptop screensaver :P A bit retarded, and I always couldn't be bothered to switch off my laptop (oooh my environmentally conscious college 'hubby' Nt won't be pleased and might file for a divorce after this haha :P) but it never fails to perk me up even after a long day out and a cycle back to Homerton :P

I want a puppy! But it will probably get confiscated like the oven E, N and I chipped in for :( I need to find non-caffeine related ways to stay awake haha. E was just saying how it's simply impossible to get decent sleep in Cambridge. I finally concur. Haha.

3 weeks til the end of term. 4 essays and half a dissertation. Lol. Dissertation slightly optional. I just realised I finished 3 essays in 11 days due to panic. Hahaha. Panic is friendly. Work gets done. And it will mount again slowly over the passing days. Lol. But hey, I'm surviving and every moment is worth it :)

(Es)Say what?

2011-02-17T16:30:00.001-08:00

Wah, I just realised that I have seven essays to do over the last four weeks of term. Ok, to be fair, I did five over the first five, plus half a dissertation, but still...

GULP.

OK, time for a self-imposed exile. I'll still be going for things I have signed up for, but otherwise any additional activities are barred. Barred! (Sigh, goodbye Downing Formal) Haha, my resolution of just saying yes is backfiring slightly, but massive fun while it lasted. Resolution will be resumed once Easter comes around :D

My blog is getting super work-centric. Sigh. But well, I suppose at the end of the day, I'm here to get a degree.

Hope you're all doing better than I am! Hehe.

Meet me halfway

2011-02-17T09:21:00.000-08:00

Would you rather do something easy, but boring, or work tooth and nail for something much more difficult, so much so that it costs you hours of frustration and pain?

Running a slow 2km by myself is a breeze, but it gets really boring (I have a tendency to run with a repeated soundtrack in my head - last time it was 'I whip my hair back and forth' O_o - I really need to listen to more songs!) It is definitely more fun running with people. The soundtrack will still play in my head, but in the recesses of my mind and the boredom is diminished. And there is simply no boredom to be had, trying to talk in between pants. Then, I'd have to summon up whatever reserves of energy I have for the 'Home' Run, muscles aching, anaerobic respiration taking place and my inner soundtrack replaced by 'Why did I put myself through this... again?!' Come the finish line, though, the pain stops, high fives go around and a feeling of accomplishment at what we've done overwhelms me in a good way :)

And now... I'm really hoping that I made the right decision. I'm reaching the anaerobic respiration bit in my Theories of Versification module. The finish line is not in sight, and the initial euphoria is fading. But I hope I have gathered enough discipline to see this through til the end.

After all, we're halfway through! Halfway Hall tonight!

Sugar highs

2011-02-14T10:01:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day bombards you with notions of romantic love. You know, the love between Shan Bo and Ying Tai in the awesome Xin Liang Zhu Misical (It's been a while since I enjoyed a musical that much!! Hahaha) But that's not all there is to love. Just thinking about my wonderful birthday weekend is enough to make my heart melt :) People who would take time to make you a cake (or in the case of baby C, learn to make you a cake... awwww :') and engineer a surprise in the midst of a really hectic weekend... People who would come down from distant parts to spend a culturally significant but personally insignificant day with me... People who actually bestowed me a birthday greeting - maybe twice or even thrice... Aww. Thanks :') I love you all. Happy Valentine's!

I think I've overdosed on both love and chocolates though. Hahaha. And now, if you're ever in need of a sugar rush, please drop me a line - my normally bare cupboard is full of sugary goodness, and impossible to finish off by myself without giving me non-stop hyperactivity. Hahaha. I might need that though.

The fairytale weekend of no work is now over - there is work to rush and I might have bitten off more than I can chew both literally (that amount of cheesecake and chocolate is surely no good for me!) and figuratively (I had signed up for far too many activities hahaha). But cheesy as it sounds, the warm fuzzy feelings remain! :D

Ok, please let me get through this week, sane, happy and hyper (even if I might have to endure some mild sleep-deprivations). Lol.

Incoherently happy

2011-02-07T17:18:00.000-08:00

This Saturday. I foiled my own surprise by accident. I'm bad with surprises, even my own apparently. But I don't care! Hehehe XD XD XD

Two familiar faces this Saturday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:')

Four all those times

2011-02-02T09:26:00.000-08:00

Four years.

Ahh, I guess I should not complain. I'm sure CNY here will be as lovely, or even lovelier, than last year since I feel quite comfortable in Cambridge. But it's times like these when I wouldn't mind seeing all my relatives again.

And getting angpao :P

Happy CNY everyone! :)

Essay Crisis

2011-02-01T14:25:00.001-08:00

'Even if you give me the best essay in the world, I will still have things to add on to it. Like Vygotsky says, the expert-novice interaction is what makes you learn. If you don't know something, just say it cos that's what I'm here for.'

Isn't my supervisor just awesome? :D Really puts things into perspective. I should stop trying to write the best essay in the world, but the best essay I can offer. My supervisors are there to stagger me up the next level.

And well. Some people are just too nice :D

Ok, back to my half-finished essay for tomorrow! Hahaha, this essay crisis could have been avoided in a million ways if I wasn't so nit-picky about the words I use. Hopefully I will sleep by 12! Haha

T is for Trouble

2011-01-26T11:46:00.000-08:00

If you gave me a choice, I would probably stay within my comfort zone. I'm not as close with the Brits as Asians. It's not a matter of dislike, it's a matter of difference. Somehow I gravitate towards Asians. Which is rather strange if you think about it. In the beginning of my university life, I talked to both types of people, exchanged the same pleasantries, have the same level of liking for them both. And yet I hang out with Asians more. It's not a problem with me, in fact, I would hate it if I had to lose any of the Asian friends I have met and now consider my dear friends. Psychologists might cite familiarity as a reason for the friendship gap. Sociologists might say that the respective activities that Brits and Asians tend to enjoy are likely to be different.

But... trouble really shows you who your friends are. Hello trouble. And goodbye.

Closeness is not really a requirement to show that someone cares. I missed one lecture. One. Remember my timetable clash? It's still clashing, and will do for the next seven weeks. And my fellow course mates are helping me so, so much. I haven't even asked for help (pride, tsk tsk, and cos I'm still awaiting a reply from my lecturer) and already they're extending their hands. Thinking about it makes me want to sniffle, I'm really touched.

I won't pretend to myself that I will ever fit in like a local. It will take longer than 4 years for that to happen! But any time, any day, if they ever need me, I'll be there for them too. We still don't need to go beyond the pleasantries or discussion about our supervisors, but there's something to be said about people whether Brit, Asian or other - there is always, always, always something good in everyone, if you just look properly.

So I'm glad. I'm hanging around with a diverse group of people, who at any moment, will show their wonderful inner natures. I guess that is the main highlight of uni life, eh?

Time for T

2011-01-21T08:02:00.000-08:00

My timetable this term is a bit messy. When I'm free, I'm really free. When I'm busy, I'm really busy.

I've just had a Freaky Friday of 4 hours. It's not thaaaat bad since the lecturers I had were interesting (One of them is super super interesting! XD And it's not bad cos I fall asleep in less interesting lectures :P) It's just that lunch is shortened to an hour so I have to cycle back efficiently and eat. Then run off to the next lecture. I might be having Worse Wednesdays though if my DoS manages to shift lectures around so that my Literary Criticism and Shakespeare lectures don't clash. I really enjoyed my Shakespeare lectures last term though.. so it's sad if I have to miss them. Anyway, Wednesday stands at 3 hours, and might increase to 4.5 if my DoS manages to have the Shakespeare lecture start slightly earlier. I'm wondering if it's too much to throw in a supervision on Friday or Wednesday... just to keep my Terrific T's (Tuesdays and Thursdays are nice and empty for now :P) My best day is probably Monday when everything is manageable and nicely balanced between work and play.

Societies' events are clashing too. Why is everything clashing?? :(

Funnily enough I still believe that my productivity skyrockets when I have many things going on in one day. I've got my allocated reading done today and recapped on my lecture notes already. Strange phenomenon. But two days of non-stop action each week is probably enough if I don't want to burn out prematurely. Need the energy to break some ribs the shioba way if some people persist in bullying me hehe XP

Back Home

2011-01-18T23:00:00.000-08:00

It's only been three days and I feel as if I had been in Homerton forever! I blame the people :P Familiar faces, inside jokes make me feel right at home hehehe.

I had been missing in action for the past 2 weeks cos of firstly, my ski trip and secondly the Spain and Portugal trip. The ski trip was massively fun! You do nothing but ski (which, once you got the hang of, is super fun, it's like controlling the speed of your very own roller coaster), play games, eat and sleep. There was a free flow buffet at UCPA and once they even served fresh mussels! More importantly, they dished out not one, not two, but three varieties of desserts every lunch and dinner and they served really good cereal. There was even ice cream at times! The French really know how to eat well haha. The best part is, skiing makes your appetite skyrocket so you can eat more :P Looking back, I wonder how I could eat so much lol. Sadly, though... skiing is also quite risky. The experience was shadowed by two torn ligaments. Still, I'm thankful that it is nothing worse.

The Spain and Portugal trip was awesome too!! XD Originally a 9 person trip, one man was shot down by the stomach bug so I went with Quentino Ong, Amy Helen Shioba Zhang, Fred Nigello Neo, Winston Chee, Jimmy and Susan Choo and Jeffrey Alfonso Ivan Lee :P Their new names and online alias hahaha XD Spain is a beautiful place, with wonderful elaborate buildings, but I wouldn't like to like there. It was a bit dodgy. Fun fact: did you know that if someone stole less than 400 Euros from you, it is not considered a crime? And if the thief stole more than 400 Euros and was thrown in jail, he or she will be let out in three days? Amazing. No wonder someone attempted to steal WC's phone (but failed). My bag was glued to my person that entire leg but I still managed to lose my debit card and hostel card out of sheer carelessness, cos I dropped it while fishing my bag for identification at La Sagrad Familia (which happens to be one of my favourite buildings in the whole world now XD). Losing things really tells you and confirms to you who your friends are :) Finding that I lost it left me no moment to panic cos help and comfort was all around :) Lisbon, on the other hand, is like a big Cambridge! Hahaha, it was super friendly. Taking out a map will see strangers approaching you and asking, do you need help? The food was good too, fresh seafood and cheap prices (well, to be fair, we ate at the same budget and tastebud friendly restaurant for our lunch and dinner throughout our stay in Lisbon!) However, WC got conned by a taxi driver just as we were about to leave Lisbon. He gave 15 Euros for the taxi fare of 10 Euros plus and the taxi driver pocketed it. Oh well. Note: bring spare change. Come to think of it, WC has really rotten luck. Oh, both Spain and Portugal are good places to shop at cos the prices are cheap. Now, if only I had more things to need to buy...

My wanderlust has died down a little and for now I'm happy to be home. It looks to be a busy term, but bring it on :D

Two oh one one (Not two oh oh four now :P)

2010-12-30T01:52:00.000-08:00

There is a certain frequency at which I update my blog. One is the stressed variety. There is an increase in my blog posts in term time when I have many assignments due :P Another is the bored variety. So, here I am now, at the wee hours of 2011, typing up this entry. Hehehe. I've been meaning to blog for quite a while actually but I've neither been stressed enough nor bored enough.

Anyway, I've been having a whale of a time! Newcastle with Ki was as fun as always and I even managed to do some netball, sledding and messing around with the snow. I always seem to do something new in Newcastle but in reality I guess it's the moments when we talked, as in really really talked, which feels special. There is a certain flavour in certain conversations which just stay with you for ages, and change you in some way. Those moments in Reading with Yee were quite special too, except that I think we stay up too late, simply talking. Which makes me wonder what in the world do we have to talk about to warrant so many hours of conversation. We fit the stereotypical gossipy old hags indeed when we get together :P But anyway, even more recently in Cambridge, HC was super inspired with this pearl theory! The gist of it is, everyone is for this 'pearl' in life- something that you'd totally give up everything for to be with this pearl. This can be a person, a religion, or an academic pursuit. I doubt i'll ever be selfless enough to drop everything for this 'pearl' if i find it. I don't even know what my pearl is! The closest thing I have to a pearl now is... my family and my friends, I suppose. But I draw the line at sacrificing everything.

But, back on board with meaningful conversations. It doesn't have to be face to face. It can even occur online (although that's rather rare). But anyway, the restof my blog entry is pretty much inspired by Zay XD

What did you learn recently? (Asked me at least a month back, really, hahaha. See how laggy I am in typing up posts?? :P)

Haha, this question made me take a step back and look closely at what had been going on in my life. You might even call it an 'admin day' - life is super busy in Cambride that we actually need taking a day off to sort out our priorities again. Otherwise we'd just get caught up in the grind of assignments, essays and lectures and just go on mindlessly, without remembering why we're there in the first place. And sometimes, things are simply beyond your control and try as you might, the problems won't go.

I remember a teacher telling me once that bottling things up are unhealthy and will make you explode. I disagreed then. Talking about certain things exposes you to all sorts of vulnerabilities and potential emotional blackmail. You have to put your trust in another person that they won't tell. But it's a risk I don' want to take, especially since tongues wag, and viciously too. The whole scenario might explode in your face. But I see his point now. There are some things that make you super helpless and you do need to share it with people. The difference is, sharing it with people you trust. And putting your faith in the people whom you know care for you. And well. I learned that talking clears up misunderstandings big time. It's a bit silly to assume you know another person's mind all the time, even if you've lived with them for most of their lives and know their quirks and mannerisms. People change. And I supposed I changed a bit too. Hopefully for the better. Although I'm apparently still a pushover :P

So anyway, on to my new year resolution (summarised from the two I gave in the steamboat dinner just now hehehe):
To leap into the new year with an open mind and an open heart! (which may involve bungee jumping and will definitely involve Chinese day. Hahaha!)

Gosh. I'll be off for a ski trip in 30 minutes. So toodles. But I guess I will also miss the super fun times we have had in Cambridge, pulling silly pranks, singing and the like.

But there's always more to look forward to, while I shore up these memories in my heart! WHEEE! XD

Cos cold nostalgia chills me to the bone

2010-12-09T17:18:00.000-08:00

I've been facebook stalking hahaha :P Who? My mummy, of all people :)

If I think about it long and hard enough, I guess... I would say I miss home. Guess I'll just hang in there til summer! :)

PUI.

Castles in the air

2010-12-06T14:24:00.001-08:00

I've more or less recovered from my sleep debt accumulating from the last three weeks of the Cambridge term. Woo! Admittedly, I took less care of myself last term. Sleeping less, and becoming increasingly blur as a result. Waa, it will be embarrassing to recount all the silly little things I had done. But it's so easy to fall into this trap, right, E? Hahaha, she waxes much more eloquently than I on this - but the gist of the idea is that we have so many things to do and so little time, and we are the ones pressuring ourselves to do well because of all the expectations surrounding us. In fact, we are masochists who love torturing ourselves :P

Still... STILL, this term has been super duper enjoyable! I used to wonder how my dad could get by with few hours of sleep by working. I got worried over him then. But now, I know doing what you love is worth losing a few hours of sleep over (although this is still not recommended haha). It's the small things that give you that warm, fuzzy glow :) Silly jokes (which may include toilet paper, 'like totally' and chasing after random buses) and chilling out with people who matter. And Homies who increasingly make Homerton feel like Home (with some 'faggoty' love, no insults intended, truly, so please do not attack me with a fork hahahaha). Lots of inside jokes, can't resist putting them in cos I want to remember.

I'm going to use my camera more from now on! A promise to myself! Looking back on my pictures I've sorted out, I've realised that I've done far more things than I thought I did. I'll use my camera even for mundane events, cos again, it's the small, impromptu events and mini cookouts which seem to provide the richest memories and feelings of happiness. Yes, I'm looking forward to getting back in Brunei and whipping out my camera the next time I have to sort out the weekly market groceries with mummy, when daddy plays plays youtube videos on the computer upstairs or read the papers and when Tarap (yes, you :) is stationary in front of his laptop. Boring pictures, perhaps, to an outsider. But precious all the same. I don't want to miss a thing, and one day... I might really need the pictures to be there in my life. Things happen in term time, an early departure... making me realise how precious everything is.

As for now, I'm cherishing my time in Newcastle with Ki <3 And boy, it relives the fun I had last year here with Ching, Fish and Zay :) And more! My very first sledding experience! WOOO!

Hope you're having fun too, where ever you are! XD

So, are you stressed?

2010-11-21T06:40:00.000-08:00

Was this the face which launched a thousand ships?

Read it aloud. Go on, try. Can you hear the beats in the line, every second syllable more stressed than the first? Can you hear the di-dum di-dum di-dum rhythm?

It was really popular in the past to write in the iambic pentameter. Th iambic pentameter has 10 syllables in one line and usually have some degree of this di-dum di-dum rhythm. A lot of Shakespeare is written like this; maybe it helps people remember better. It also sounds better, like music. The stresses in the line are important too - they are like the sudden increase in pitch or volume in a musical piece.

And anyway, in the midst of my iambic pentameter lecture, my itchy fingers started to doodle (as usual) :P

Super stressed syllable :P It's a phrase everybody knows, but not everyone knows it's from Hamlet - I didn't know til I had to do it at A Levels, two years ago.

And well. I wouldn't say I'm stressed but I feel like I'm running low on time. Three essays in two weeks - certainly manageable - but I want to have more time to hang out and chill. But anyway, I had immense fun at MFF and the Harry Potter movie just now :)

Bubble tea

2010-11-11T15:48:00.000-08:00

The very fact that I live in a bubble sometimes scares me. I'm grateful for the bubble but... Sometimes, I feel that I'm meant to go out and do something. Rawr. But of course, I don't do anything for the homeless I see everyday, nor do I stop to buy a Big Issue. Words, words, words.

Funny how tea stimulates all sorts of talk. Funny how the talk was more thought-provoking than my supervisions, haha! My head is spinning with what I don't know. Baby steps? Hahaha, but thanks E for hosting the tea party! Smileys XD

Gee gee gee gee

2010-11-11T10:11:00.000-08:00

GG week! In a previous life, this would mean that I've spent all week watching Gossip Girl. But it's funny how these two letters acquire different meanings. GG is short for 'Good Game', ironically used and will be perfect to describe incidences of losing bike lights, hitting a car, getting lost, running late for lectures (accidentally, versus those you KNOW you can turn up late on purpose because everyone else is doing it), and misplacing keys. And why not throw in some horrendously cold and gloomy rain all week in the mix? GG! HAHAHA. No, I'm not saying this happened to me... Examples, demonstrating the use of the phrase, GG, you see O=)

People help to keep me sane. The chocolate the HUS office gives out helps too. You know, to ease the week 5 blues. HAHAHA. And, my supervisions are dwindling slightly, balancing out the increase in essays. I didn't realise, when I signed up for my Lit Crit paper at the English Faculty, that I only have four supervision sessions for each sub-module. So I'm super happy. Hehe.

And, I'm really looking forward to some 'childminding' as A puts it. I've signed up to listen to 5-6 year old children read every Monday. It's part of a literacy project. Hmm, it's funny, I miss my little nephews and nieces. Last time, I didn't really, but I suppose getting to know them over summer makes me miss them more. But I wonder whether minding some British kids will be vastly different from minding my Chinese and half-Malay kids. We'll see :)

Rambles

2010-11-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

The Loch Ness Monster's Song

Sssnnnwhuffffll?
Hnwhuffl hhnnwfl hnfl hfl?
Gdroblboblhobngbl gbl gl g g g g glbgl.
Drublhaflablhaflubhafgabhaflhafl fl fl –
gm grawwwww grf grawf awfgm graw gm.
Hovoplodok – doplodovok – plovodokot-doplodokosh?
Splgraw fok fok splgrafhatchgabrlgabrl fok splfok!
Zgra kra gka fok!
Grof grawff gahf?
Gombl mbl bl –
blm plm,
blm plm,
blm plm,
blp.

Edwin Morgan

It's a poem. I burst out laughing. I wonder what we will say about this poem in the poetry reading tomorrow :P

This reminds me of home in a good way ^^ Television static buzzing in the background never sounded so good. Hehe. It's from one of those Taiwanese dramas that never end :P

It's week 5 now. I have to complete my sociology essay, tonight! So that I will have enough time for my psychology one. Week 5 is traditionally the week where everyone goes into hibernation because of the piles of essays or work that needs doing. At least.. I only have two due next week. Well, not counting my dissertation which is progressing ever so slowly. But my friend who's doing Education with Music has 5 essays to complete by next Friday. I don't see how that's humanely possible without forgoing all eat and sleep! D:

Sing, my angel of music

2010-10-28T08:56:00.001-07:00

http://www.bt.com.bn/news-national/2010/10/28/improving-reading-skills-through-music

Interesting. Reminds me of the time my English teacher got us to pick our favorite songs, name our favorite line and tell everyone why we liked it. At the time I was a rather hard-core Disney fan so I picked 'We are One' from Lion King Two. Now I find that I like random bits of music and this question stumps me.

Anyway, this seems like a supremely fun way to learn and teach English. Well done,

Defying gravity

2010-10-26T09:14:00.002-07:00

Sudden urge to scream out loud today. I need to go to an amusement park! Or a soundproof room. Or Kbox (I'm hoping this doesn't clash with anything!)

Gliding yesterday was not as scary as anticipated. After the initial take-off, you're suspended in air and you see this amazing view and think - ahh, is this what heaven is like? It was so still, so calm and so wonderful XD I can see why people, past and present, are so obsessed with flight. It's amazing to soar among the clouds like a bird.
I failed massively though. I brought my neglected camera to snap some pictures but my camera's battery was flat. Sobs. So the pictures are at the mercy of CS and Charleen. This is another Charleen! Not my 'daughter' in college hehe.

But, I wanna do something more extreme. I feel like being noisy and annoying (within socially acceptable limits if possible) and what better way to do it than bungee jump or something? XD

This is not an attempt to kill myself; it's called being adventurous :P Haha, the priceless conversation I had with my college/ CUMaS kids over gliding:
'Don't kill yourself!'
'Stay safe!'
'Do you have insurance?'
'I'll be orphaned!'
Hahaha, they can be quite adorable :P

Fruitfulness

2010-10-23T02:00:00.000-07:00

Strange fruit, by Lewis Allan 1938

Southern trees bear a strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black body swinging in the Southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant South,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolia sweet and fresh,
And the sudden smell of burning flesh!

Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for a tree to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop.

Don't tell me that it doesn't send a shiver down your spine. My homework. I doubted homework could move me that much.

Apparently the poet was inspired by a photograph of a hanged black man. I would post them, but they are actually quite traumatising to see. Google, if you will.

I found a song made of the poem too!

Frankly, I prefer the poem. But whatever rocks your boat :)

Boomz!

2010-10-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

Crap. Everything has been disintegrating in my hands.

In a week, to date:
My bike's mud-guard has broken off (and it is yet to be repaired).
I broke a very sentimental and precious cup after my plate dropped on it and knocked it off the counter.
My other very sentimental and precious shopping mouse got caught in the wheels of my bike and looks very torn up as a result.
Accidentally broke my hanger by hanging too many stuff on it.
My Shift key on my laptop got knocked out of place. Why? The mudguard which had fallen off was brought to my room and somehow I accidentally knocked it onto my laptop. Thankfully, I managed to fix it.

It's a sign. I'll repair my bike tomorrow lol.

In the meantime, Yee is staying with me! Let's hope my destructiveness only stays with inanimate objects... >>

I don't know that I know what I think I don't know

2010-10-15T06:06:00.000-07:00

How much of yourself do you really know? The conscious, perhaps - but what about the unconscious lurking about under the surface of your consciousness?

Super interesting lecture today, demonstrating that actually, ignorance is not bliss, if your unacknowledged desires or needs are repressed. The lecturer used Middlemarch as an example, which I haven't read :P although the issues discussed feel pretty relevant to everyday life.

I've figured out by now why I felt a bit off, tired and kept sneezing last Sunday, the night of the extended family dinner. I caught the freshers' flu, as a friend poetically puts it "'Freshers' flu is a bit of misnomer. It really afflicts those who are back to Cambridge for the first time in a long while, of which freshers form a significant subset; giving rise to the term "freshers' flu"'. So the sneezing is not because I slept late, or because I'm adjusting to the colder weather or because I've been doing a lot of things that whole week and because being a second year doesn't grant me a superhuman immune system. Hahaha, I have the time to come up with so many theories, but I still ate and lived as normal even though my throat was a teensy bit sore.

I was determined to not acknowledge my sickness so much so that I didn't take any preventive measures like Strepsils or warm tea or warm milk and honey. Foolish. Idiotic. Inviting germs to start the party. Haha. I didn't know that I was sick simply because I kept ignoring the signs. Ironically, only when I had a thermometer affirming that yes, you have a fever, would I acknowledge that I am sick and would have to put activities on hold. And putting things on hold and resting and drinking lots of warm soupy stuff (the lady at my buttery must have nicknamed me soup girl by now because I kept asking for soup, which, by the way, tastes soup-er with a sore throat) sees me at 90% recovery today. Otherwise I would still be running around with a tap instead of a nose. Of course, my lovely neighbours E and N, let me get at their stash of honey and milk and tea and a thermometer - so thanks!! XD

So. I know I have to work now. I know that I will procrastinate. But I know I'll get it done eventually. Hehe.

Oh, and I went to a poetry reading group prior to the cubbies dinner last night. (GBK has halal food!! XD) It was fascinating. A bit intimidating initially because I felt like I walked in to a meeting and there were 8 professors to 6 students. And my real reason for going there was cos I hoped to see Carol Ann Duffy, the poet laureate in person, not from any true desire to discuss poetry. Hahaha, superficial, I know! I don't mind discussing poetry, but I prefer doing it in my own leisure and in solitude instead of the typical Socratic teaching method preferred here - learning through dialogue. But anyway, after attending I see commitment and regular attendance to the poetry reading group. It's fun to see the professors talking about poetry... as equals. It was liberating and exhilirating. And Carol Ann Duffy writes some of the most beautiful, unpretentious love poems I've ever read so far.

From 'Rapture' by Carol Ann Duffy

YOU

Uninvited, the thought of you stayed too late in my head.
so I went to bed, dreaming you hard, hard, woke with your name,
like tears, soft, salt, on my lips, the sound of its bright syllables
like a charm, like a spell.

Falling in love

is glamorous hell: the crouched, parched heart
like a tiger, ready to kill; a flame’s fierce licks under the skin.
into my life, larger than life, you strolled in.

I hid in my ordinary days, in the long grass of routine,
in my camouflage rooms. You sprawled in my gaze,
staring back from anyone’s face, from the shape of a cloud,
from the pining, earth-struck moon which gapes at me

as I open the bedroom door. The curtains stir. There you are
on the bed, like gift, like a touchable dream.

Name

When did your name
change from a proper noun
to a charm?

Its three vowels
like jewels
on the thread of my breath.

Its consonants
brushing my mouth
like a kiss.

I love your name.
I say it again and again
in this summer rain.

I see it,
discreet in the alphabet,
like a wish.

I pray it
into the night
till its letters are light.

I hear your name
rhyming, rhyming,
rhyming with everything.

Does knowing that Carol Ann Duffy wrote this whole collection of poetry with another woman in mind make a difference? :P That caught me off guard in the poetry reading hahaha. But no, it doesn't make a difference to me. She still writes in the most exquisite way XD

Uni-corns!

2010-10-10T03:07:00.000-07:00

My junior who's just started uni was telling me. Uni is such a strange experience. Very much unlike school. Very much unlike boarding. How I agree.

Very rarely do I see so many friendly people. Well, people are in general quite friendly, but I rarely did see any actively friendly people until I came here. It's a bit overwhelming but oddly comforting to arrive in a new place with butterflies in your stomach, and to have someone who anywhere else would be a complete stranger you met on the street and wouldn't have given a second thought to, to greet you in the friendliest way imaginable as if you've been best friends since forever. And in the end, those strangers do become your best friends since seemingly forever.

What a strange, strange phenomenon. Good but strange nonetheless.

Mi gustas tu, micorazon

2010-10-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd share what N shared XD Spanish sounds soo soothing! XD I have no idea what it means however, hehehe

Back at the Bridge

2010-10-06T02:10:00.000-07:00

So. It's been busy. But it's been fun. Super duper extremely fun. I'm still on MSN but on odd hours in different timezones.

Random: I looked for Cecelia Ahern's books in my college library after seeing the book in a friend's room. They don't have any of her books! O_o So my bedtime reading is Simon Armitage and The Tenderness of Wolves at the moment. Ironically, I have no time to read them :P Much less an intellectually grappling book like the Black Swan.

Despite the sameness of my room, and my... urm... unappealing view of the next building and its occupants... I still like it, especially after I've decorated it. But it still doesn't stop me from gaping in wonder at the largeness of other people's rooms in other colleges! I've decided that Robinson College is a really nice place to live in. Seriously. And the Hall food is awesome - they have an ice-cream box (Homerton needs one! And more variety of ice-cream than the two popsicles on offer). And Peterhouse rooms look like conference rooms (the second years', I suppose). I suppose Corpus is not bad as well, except that it's not all en-suite.

The smallness of Homerton rooms struck me after the cookout yesterday. Around 12 people in one tiny room. Aching feet, standing up, especially after running around all day and working at the Societies Fair. I've also joined far too many societies than is humanely possible to go to and still study. Hehe, but all in good fun. I haven't laughed so hard in a while. But I still intend to do better than I did last year.

I suppose the main point of my post is to assure you people back home that I'm doing well :)

And Happy Birtday Pa :D

Nothing else I can say

2010-09-30T23:55:00.000-07:00

What a summer. Temperamental. Experimental. Fun. Oscillating between extremes.

So, that's Brunei for the year 2010. Now to see what Cambridge will bring.

I'm eager to get going again. It will distract from the pre-departure pangs that come with every farewell. And it helps that I will see many now familiar faces again :) Off to my second home.

Tacked-on muse:
I truly admire people who are able to vocalise their feelings. That is a scary, scary world. Even thinking about saying thanks for being there leaves me hyperventilating. Shouldn't be too hard right? Only.. *bangs head on wall repeatedly*
Paiseh. I'll work on it. The first step I suppose is through blogging. And so, past, present and future people...
Thanks for being there.

Feeling pretty.. restless

2010-09-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

My cousin asked me a very interesting question today. How does it feel being the only one left in the house?

For so many years I've been surrounded by people at home. This is probably the first time I've gone three weeks without my very noisy siblings. I've been on MSN and Facebook. Watched stuff. Read stuff. Have a lot of free time. Far more often than I realised up until now.

And I realise I can't survive as an only child. Oh yes, there are outings. But there's a different kind of boredom involved. I'm glad my parents are there, but... Ack. I need to be kept busy! Annoying siblings count as being busy. Hehe. Annoying parents... Different level XP

One week more.

Counts as some form of entertainment. He's got the prettiest voice XD

Yet another post

2010-09-22T23:47:00.000-07:00

I did mention that I saw my father's relatives yesterday. My 'dwa em'/ big aunt on my dad's side, held my hand while walking and I was recounting to my mom how her hand feels like tofu. Seriously. Very, very soft. I wonder what she uses for her hands. I suppose an English equivalent is to describe her hand is being as soft as a baby's bottom (I wouldn't know lol). I suppose her hand is as soft as shaking HM's hand (then again, I wouldn't know either since I never shook his hand). My mom is threatening to tell her (how embarrassing for me!) but I predict she will send us one of her famous kampung chickens when she does haha. Somehow, this recount amuses me to no end XD

And I need some sort of legitimate distraction. Blogging counts XD

Secrets in the telling

2010-09-22T02:23:00.000-07:00

When I turned twenty, it was just like any other day. Nothing special, no fireworks except the CNY ones haha, only a feeling that I'm still the same. Still standing shoulder to shoulder with twelve-year olds. And not a chance of growing taller haha.

But over the past week or so, so many little different realisations and bombshells started to register in my brain and all of a sudden I do feel twenty creeping up on me.

I'm no longer in the first generation of kiddies in my family (although, yes I still do like playing with them hahaha). I'm starting to care more about things that I did not really worry about much before. For instance, the prospect of leaving someone behind seems more terrifying now. Cos I worry that in my years abroad, people will... pass on. I always thought my parents are invincible. But news and witnessing accidents and realising things, the trivial, serious and embarassing at times... it has its impact. Even after getting caught up in a serious accident many many years ago, I just mildly accepted that these things happen. It's the usual. So no need to kick up a fuss (and lol, I did not have my license then so it's not me!)

Now worrying seems to occur both ways. Old for the young, and the no longer as young to the old. I don't intend to turn into a worry-wart, any more than I usually can be :P I still like to laugh, but after the laughter has died down, there are more things to mull over :S

Inception can be such a B****. Who needs dreams to plant a contagious idea into your head? The right words, the right time, and it all comes crashing down like a tsunami.

I'm glad I attended the wedding today (yeap, yet another wedding and congrats to the couple XD), partly cos I got to see my father's family again. And here's another snippet of a Chinese wedding... You know the champagne/ fruit juice toasting ceremony? The groom has to shake the bottle until it fizzes and the cork pops out, before pouring it with his wife. For many years, I knew this was symbolic and an indication of the groom's strength. *Blush* I didn't realise what type of strength.

Try guessing for yourselves. The emcee's words, taken straight from his mouth, are typed out below:
'Don't look at me la, look at your wife!'
'Shake it harder!'
'This position also can.'
'I cannot help you with this, you'll have to do it yourself.'

... OH.

Half a century

2010-09-20T17:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.bt.com.bn/golden-legacy/2010/09/20/brunei-darussalam-50-years-ago

I like this article XD It shows how much progress Brunei has made, and how much Brunei can continue to grow. Brunei yakin! XD

Random: I've finally been to KB. Hehe. Slightly more 'face' to call myself a Bruneian :P

Kiddo

2010-09-16T01:23:00.000-07:00

If I never get a job as a teacher, I suppose I can babysit. Hehe. Playing with kids is fun! And they have all sorts of eccentricities which I find adorable.

Aunty: HS, eat.
HS: Noooo (turns head away)
Me: Then Yee Yee eat ah (I pretend to eat his rice)
HS: Nooo, I eat (he eats a spoonful of his fried rice)
Aunty: Come on, HS, eat some more
HS: Noooo
S, his cousin comes to see what the fuss is all about.
Me: Come on, HS, eat (holds out spoon)
S: I eat (She takes a bite!!! Aunty and I just looked at each other in shock.) I eat already (runs off)
HS: I eat.
(Note: Yee Yee is an honorific term used to refer to one's aunt on the mother's side.)

Kids, hahaha. But they can be quite.. Ganas.

True story, my two-year old nephew HS did kick his cousin S just to get my attention >> (The doodle has all sorts of inaccuracies, by the way, I'm too lazy to draw all five of my nieces and nephews. HL, 8, HS, 2, N, 3 and S, who just turned 2 today and H, a few months old. But he's soo cute. Well, they are all cute.

Happy Birthday S :D I'll be seeing her tonight <3

Snippets of a Chinese Wedding

2010-09-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

It's been ageeees since I've been to one due to my three years overseas but I'm glad I finally made it to my cousin's :) Congrats, and I wish every happiness to them both.

Frankly, I didn't care less about Chinese wedding traditions but now that I've missed so many weddings, everything appears so fresh and new.

1) The matchmaker

A matchmaker has to be appointed (ohhhh a bit like in ancient China?? Mulan?? XD) and they will help the bride and groom's families to organise the event. The matchmaker will have to be present when the dowry is exchanged and when the bridal chamber is decorated, I think. The matchmaker is a busy, busy woman working way before the wedding is held.

2) 'Chua Bo' - Give me my wife please. K thanks, bye.

Usually held in the morning. It's where the groom's side of the family will collect at his house, and relatives, if they choose to do so, may accompany the groom when he goes to 'chua' or bring his bride from her house. At this point, the groom must be near desperate to see his beloved bride, since they are forbidden to see each other the night before (every moment is incomplete without their other half hehehe) but I don't really know why. Tradition? Superstition? Anyway, the groom announces his presence proudly by beeping his horn loudly in the vicinity of the bride's house and then he'll have to pass three? (is this number fixed?) tests in order to see his bride. Of course, the groom arrives prepared, usually with one or more sidekicks, in order to face these 'tests'. What the tests involve depends on how much the bride's relatives hate the groom :P It can range from wearing really embarrassing hats, singing love songs loud enough for the whole neighbourhood to hear to naming why he loves her. This is why the groom needs a sidekick, to supplement or step in when things look bleak. Perhaps the worst one I saw thus far was a long time ago, when the groom was forced to eat wasabi with ice cream and some weird sauce. Can't remember if the groom and his sidekicks got a stomachache after that. Dangerous business lol. But generally, it's in a spirit of fun and festivity and it amuses the spectators to no end.

Even after passing these tests, the brides relatives could be cruel, still barring entry until an angpow is bestowed. And they may bar it further, til the groom recognises a lost cause when he sees one, and summons his side kick(s) and barges into the bride's room by pushing through the door (once, I witness the door crack from the brute force of the groom's shoulder! :O). It must be hard being the groom - he really has to earn his way in!

But I'm sure it's worth it when the groom first sets his eyes on his beautifully arrayed wife, sitting placidly and greeting him with a smile. The groom presents his bouquet and a mini photo session commences, before he leads her out to the car. If I'm not mistaken, the bride's parents are not allowed to follow into the groom's house (neither can the groom's side accompany their son to collect his bride; hmmm I'm not sure about other family members within the core family unit. See how much I've missed and forgotten?? D:) Perhaps this makes the courtship official. Of course, when the groom arrives triumphantly at his house with his wife alongside him, he will announce it proudly by blaring his horns once again. Usually, this blare of horns signals that the firecrackers should be lit right there and then. It's a noisy, cheerful affair.

3) Tea ceremony

Leading his bride in, the tea ceremony commences! By order of rank, the groom first presents tea to their grandparents, then older uncles then parents (ahhh not sure of parents or older uncles and aunts go first!). The matchmaker serves the tea. When that is done, they sit in their special chairs and kids line up to say congrats and receive an angpow in return. (I'm considered a kid too! Hahaha. Not because of age though, being a kid is reckoned by your unmarried state). Another photo session!

Then everyone disperses to get some rest before night rolls in.

4) The wedding reception

The bride and groom's parents will welcome the guests from around 6 p.m. while a panel of people will be acting as receptionists to collect angpow (materialistic materialisations of the guests' blessings on the couple). Usually guests are required to sign a long wedding card and it's quite rude to just go in without signing or giving an angpow (cos then they'll be free-loading off the expensive dinner, wahey! Kids can go free though lol.) My nephew N signed his name sooo adorably but I forgot to take a picture of it. Big letters, perhaps reflecting his confidence and cute inflated ego and a little drawn heart dotted the 'i' in his name very neatly X3 Hopefully I'll get the photo my other older nephew, S, took, and then I'll post it here <3

Around 8 p.m. in the evening, all the guests would have arrived and everyone is seated (ooohh I just realised, does the event commence at eight because eight is called 'fatt' in Cantonese, which sounds like luck and is thereby an auspicious time to start the event?) The emcee starts talking and soon, the bride and groom comes in. Little crackers are fired and streamers fill the air as the bride and groom proceed to their seats. The reception has many courses, and The food is served, course by course and there is ongoing entertainment. Sometimes by the emcee, sometimes by their relatives and sometimes by hired performers. I wonder if there is a certain meaning to the sequence of the food being served and if there is a meaning in the food served? The first dish, I notice, is usually an appetiser consisting of a rich variety of nibbles, and it's followed usually by shark fin soup. Shark fin is traditionally believed to be nutritional (although it doesn't taste of anything but dried plastic and the soup it is cooked in and I doubt animal activists would approve) but I wonder if there is a deeper meaning to it? Ohh and I notice they usually serve chicken and prawn and vegetable and stuff. Other than the obvious need for variety, could it stem from some superstition?

Anyway, the bride will traditionally change her costume in the middle of the wedding reception. I don't know why. Perhaps cos it's never too bad to have to many pretty outfits to wear on her big day?? Difficult choosing between dress a and dress b... :P After that, the couple will be invited on stage to do more embarrassing stuff! LOL. I personally think that some people take the wedding as an opportunity to inflict many sweet, small revenges on the married couple :P Oh well, all in good fun. The embarrassment inflicted again depends on the mercy of the emcee (woe betide if the emcee is a relative hahaha) Usually involves more singing, a declaration of love and perhaps a kiss. Can't remember if they cut the wedding cake first or pour the 'wine'. Wedding cake cutting, is, well, the usual ceremony, except with the couple cutting it together. The groom shakes open two bottles of wine (sparkling grape juice? Dunno.) The cork will 'pop' into the crowd somewhere. Then he and his wife will pour the 'wine' into this tall stack of wine glasses for the following 'yam seng' ceremony.

For the 'yam seng' or cheering session, the groom's side will line up next to the groom whereas the bride's side will line up next to the bride, on stage. They each receive a wine glass and drink to three cheers. The last 'yam seng' will be the longest. Each toast is a blessing to the couple.

Then more food and random entertainment! At the end of the night, there is yet another photo session. Then everyone gets back, happy and stuffed from the seven or eight course meal. Burrrp!

Hm, a Chinese wedding is a really social celebration.

But ahhhh. I have so many gaps in my knowledge D: Usually Yee is around at these events and she is sorely missed at this one by J and S!!! Cos she has the most talkative disposition heheheh. Wang also just flew off to Singapore. Take cold comfort from your November hols coming up.

And so, it's just me at home with my parents. Poor them. Lol.

Festivities

2010-09-10T01:24:00.000-07:00

Fireworks whizzed. Loud, happy bangs resonated despite the heavy downpour. One of my dogs, who is deathly afraid of loud noises, probably cowered under the car.

Selamat Hari Raya! XD People walking about in cara melayu and the sight of raya cakes just makes you feel festive XD

This video is simply too cute not to share XD Unfortunately I was unable to embed the video. Credit goes to the Brunei Newcastle Society XD Bonus: Ki's in it toooo! XD

I don't want to miss a thing

2010-09-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

I think I'll get into another mood-swing-y daze post 12th September. Yee just left a few hours ago and I feel the ache of having our finally whole family unit being torn apart once again. Barely a week of family time. I'm greedy for more camel moments, impromptu tickle wars, random rambles and pointless conversation and whispered secrets. Of course conversation can still go on online, but there's that extra kick when you talk face to face. Online can't quite cut it and facebook is the new media, no privacy whatsoever. I suppose telephone calls will suffice, on top of skype, msn and emails. <- hahaha so greedy!

Sigh. It's so rare that everyone's back home at the same time, so I treasured every moment, good, bad, ugly. Oh well, at least we covered two birthdays, Yee on the 3rd and Mummy's on the 8th.

Well, I'm glad I have siblings :D

Actually, there's a horde of September babies that I know of lol.
3 - Yee
6 - my cousin
8 - Mummy
9 - CS
10 - my aunty in Philippines
23 - Natalie, my college 'husband'
25 - Fishy! XD
27 - CY

So, happy birthday in the past, present or future! Hahaha. And that's off the top of my head without referencing facebook ohoho *proud* However, it's super easy to remember since the numbers run consecutively hahaha.

Don't play play

2010-09-05T19:54:00.001-07:00

I went to watch a movie yesterday with my brother and sister.

*About to pay money for three adult tickets. Wang was with me, Yee was off to do stuff before meeting up at the cinema*
Cinema ticket attendant one: So, two adult tickets and one child ticket?
Me: Um, he's fourteen. Does that count as a child? (Fail eh. I haven't watched movies for so long.)
Cinema ticket attendant one and two *whisper whisper bulan Ramadhan whisper*
They charged me three dollars less.

Much, much later, I asked Yee what the age limit is for a child ticket. It's TWELVE. AHH. I was tempted to go back to the counter and demand to pay the full amount. Then I reasoned.. the money goes to the establishment, not the individual staff. And, I quite forgot their faces, except that the staff was wearing the uniform and had spiky hair. Fail. So I didn't.

I dunno why this bugs me so much. But anyway, thanks for the discount, I guess?? It's the paradox of wanting to fully pay people who are good to you whereas I'd moan when inflation causes a price hike. Lol.

And this might also mean that my brother still looks like he's twelve! To his credit, he's grown from the last time I saw him in Singapore.

Hmm... Actually, my brother's reached my height! I stand shoulder to shoulder with twelve year olds!! T__T

Taking for granted

2010-09-02T03:54:00.000-07:00

Isn't Empire just gorgeous? Especially around sunset :)

*Note to self: Never forget to stretch after running. For the first time in ageees it aches to walk the next day. And it's not like I ran a lot, I ran relatively little.
*Extra note: It seems like I'm not fated to swim this summer with Yee around huhu
*Extra note: 'short cuts'? Very bad!
*Extra note: Lots of love to the living mosquito repellent whose blood is sweeter than mine. Arigatou! For being more than an insect repellent hehehe :P It's been about two odd months of exercise.

Main point of blogging: Oxbridge Talk! Hahaha finally, an event to shut off my Sim-playing mode for the past week plus plus and make me feel like doing something productive again.

I hope it was helpful to the students. I think the presentation bit ran relatively smoothly despite the rather last minute preparation - the slideshow was simple but clear in a business-like way, yet informal enough with pictures sprouting up on each slide, and CY, I, ZR made entertaining and informative speakers (ZR's presentation was the best, really, no bias involved, since he's from Cambridge.. kidding! :P) The prospect of being involved in this for three years running cos 'graduates still have to go' is not too bad, the teachers I met were friendly and fairly talkative and they genuinely seem to care about making their students dream a little big bigger. Aww :3

However, the event is such an eye-opener. I've always taken for granted the application process into Cambridge or more generally, Oxbridge and other universities. Applying from the UK is a breeze since the administration already has a university application program firmly in place. In Brunei the deadline is pushed forwards further to 20th September and you'd have to fill in an additional form and DHL it over (just found out about this today! :O). Oh, and DHL takes at most 5 days to process so the personal statement, references, etc has to be sent in by 15th September. 15th October, the deadline in the UK, already had UK-based hopefuls in a twist and agonising over the deadline and teachers who write your references too slowly. But my application still made it. I took for granted the extra hurdles taken away.

I think the Oxbridge Talk worked, for the most part. It's encouraging to see students who are willing to apply because it shows that they are not afraid to try for what they deserve. I do hope they make it. Especially my poor ex-student who told me she had no idea who her career teacher is (and her friend affirmed it). Oh dear. Those who get into Oxbridge from Brunei truly deserve all the praise they get. And those who didn't, well, it's a brave attempt and a good try. In retrospect, it is no wonder they plastered CS' photos ALL OVER the video. Lol.

It's reassuring to know the teachers I met seem to be actively doing something about it. I guess the event was an overall success. Whee XD

Recreational activities

2010-08-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

I love fan-made music videos, they are the best of both worlds if they are made right. Now Up has got to be one of my favourite cartoons, and I can't seem to get enough of it (and cute Dug of course! XD Although he does not appear in the MV above) I don't listen to songs that much, but fan-made music videos fill that niche for me.

The original owners may not like having their franchise remade and 'taken' but.. BUT! There is a sort of crossover and it introduces people to new stuff. And, prolonging my fandom with music videos is not a bad thing for sequels and prequels hehehe ;) (I want to see more of Dug! Huhuhu). However, some people dislike remakes and prefer just the original. Understandable of course, cos the original might have its originality 'tainted'. However, I clearly belong to the first camp - cos I wonder how different is remaking a video with writing a sentence. Take this sentence of mine, they are all borrowed words, none of the words are original. Perhaps, the connection between the words are original, but that's all there is to the originality of that sentence. Music videos, like sentences are just there to communicate. And well, I don't see anything too 'wrong' with fan-made music videos cos they are made with an intention to share rather than for profit (correct me if I'm wrong)

My fun summer to-do list right now:
Inception - DONE!
Matrix Trilogy - DONE!
Animatrix
Lord of the Rings Trilogy (book and movie)
FF7 Dirge of Cerberus
Deadman Wonderland - on short hiatus until I overcome my queasiness at gory stuff cos I've gotten to the point where the fight scenes materialise in my head :/
Persona
Find more books by Cecilia Ahern :D

Watching Inception - how annoying. It's so good that I'm awed and inspired by Christopher Nolan, and I went off to watch the Matrix cos he said he's inspired by it.. And then Agent Smith's acting blew me away and then... I found out he's in LoTR, and then.. this chain won't end, huh? :P

Oh yea, this is possibly my favourite music video - Quest for Camelot's I Stand Alone (music) and Phantom of the Opera combined. I always had a soft spot for the Phantom cos I find it sad that he's all alone and lonely but.. maybe, his fans makes his loneliness less ;)

Accidents happen :/

2010-08-13T23:37:00.000-07:00

Please drive safely - patience and wasting two more minutes in the car is better than speeding and encountering an unfortunate mishap. Your lives are precious to more people than you can imagine.

The aftermath of an accident along the road to Miri leaves an impression. Humans are so frail and so mortal.

Angry

2010-08-01T08:06:00.000-07:00

Warning: a rant

SASAK KU!!!! DX

Transcript with my added comments:

Pastor (P): For one thing, for us, the book (Quran) is not sacred.
Questioner (Q): But it is for them!

Look at the vocab. Using 'us' shows that the pastor views Christians and Muslims as different groups of people. Ok, fine, the Quran is understandably not sacred to Christians. But that does not mean that you could forget its importance to other people! Open your eyes.

P: By burning the Quran (on 9/11), we're saying stop to Islam, stop to Islamic law, stop to brutality. We have nothing against Muslims, they are welcome in our country (America), they are welcome to worship, we have freedom to worship, freedom of speech, they are welcome, what is not welcome... [].. is Islamic law, the brutality of Islamic law, is what's not welcome.

What brutality? The Al-Qaeda who is allegedly responsible for the 9-11 attacks might be an Islamic militant group but do you know that there are branches in Islam just as there are branches of Christianity? [My knowledge of this is shaky at best but what I know of it can be found here: http://www.hyperhistory.net/apwh/essays/comp/cw11sunnishiitesplit.htm] My point is, not all Muslims agree with the sometimes violent doings of the al-Qaeda. Just as not all Christians will agree with the Crusades. Another issue: what is with his vocab?? Geez. Great way to alienate people with the emphasis on 'our' and 'they'. It gives the impression that he thinks America is a his country, whereas it's a free country to everyone of all nationalities and religions, is it not? (At least, that's my impression of America, what with the American dream)

Q: How would you feel if a Muslim said to you what you said to them, 'I have no problem with you, Mr Christian, you are welcome in my country but I'm burning your Bible'?
P: I would not like it but it's their right in America. It is time to stand up and speak out about what we believe in. We believe that Islam is of the devil, it is causing billions of people to go to hell, it is a deceptive religion, it is a violent religion, it is proven many many times. It is time that churches and politicians stand up and speak the truth.

Ok, freedom of speech, fine. But burning? It falls outside the freedom of speech thing, no? And who is 'we'? I see nobody but you (LOL, sempat insert Wondergirl's 'Nobody but You' lagitu). And his assertions, he says, were 'proven'. How so? By 9-11? By an act done by a small group of people who might not necessarily reflect the mindset of the large majority? And the thing about religion - isn't it based on faith? Risky comment this, but faith is not easy to explain and thus, who is to say what it comes from God or the Devil? It's hard to prove.

P: Why do we defend oppression (in dominated countries)? Why should we defend countries like Saudi Arabia where women can't even get a driver's license?

I'm thankful to say that I come from a Muslim country where my female Muslim friends enjoy the freedom to drive (and bring me around hintZayhint :P) Again, he's citing an extreme minority case which is not reflective of the wider picture.

I'm a Chinese 'Buddhist' (although I slip into agnosticism on and off) with devout Christian and Muslim friends. All the Christians and Muslims I know (and okay, the Buddhists too XD) are super nice people who do not support senseless killing. And were equally horrified at 9-11. What does book burning do? It adds to the thinning of the ozone layer, boo! But seriously speaking, burning a Quran is too symbolic of how the pastor is unable to accept or tolerate another religion. And as he is a pastor, some people might interpret his views as a reflection of the Christians - inaccurate! And burning a book does not wipe out a religion. It only incites anger. And possibly retaliation. Although retaliation reflects badly on the religion of the attackers as well so I won't recommend it. True, I understand his anger at 9-11, it's tragic that many lives were lost but couldn't he put his effort into preaching better ways of living? America, Christians and Muslims, suffered the same losses of life at 9-11. One country. The people should be better for helping each other cope with their loss than to create more loss and sorrow through conflict.

What in the world is he trying to do? I'm tempted to call him the Devil's Spawn. Even I as a third party could get angry at his words. Lol. This is the first time I got angry (really angry, at that) at a person I have never even met.

What a hateful parson. Don't do it if you are a real Christian.

I find it ironic that religion divides so many people when its aim is to bring them together under the Kingdom of God.

Sorry about the rant :X Man, I get worked up easily nowadays :X

Smelly situations

2010-07-30T08:26:00.000-07:00

Haven't been learning Chinese consistently, darn! Anyway, a little doodle dedicated to mosquitoes. In summer, in the UK, I get bitten pretty badly and the bites swell like you would not believe (Allergy? Dunno). So I did some research and the scent of lemongrass drives mosquitoes away. California Baby does a sunblock with the lemongrass scent and it does the trick even in Brunei. Sun protection and mosquito protection? Pretty handy huh? XD Until one day I realised that my dogs.. like the scent far too much. At first, I thought my dogs were being cute and they remembered me so they come up, tails wagging happily and I pat them... I realised after they wouldn't quit following me and when I noticed their attitude towards me changed after I washed off the sunblock. Ah, can't win them all lol.

Mosquitos still bite but in Brunei, the bites don't swell. Improvement.

A random topic just cos I needed to learn how to write 'lazy' in Chinese :P And initially, I thought 'chang yin' was mosquito ><

I have to return to my massive reading list. Hello King Henry the Fourth! Out.

Dumbo!

2010-07-26T22:38:00.000-07:00

I FOUND AN AWESOME BLOG! XD

http://youarenotsosmart.com

<3

This post reflects my private opinion and no money was exchanged in the type-up of this post. Lol. I just stumbled across it really randomly and why I love it is because it debunks our accepted knowledge of life and it has a lot of validated research backing up its posts and assertions. It has quite a lot of psychological research in it too.

I think it's so awesome I'm tempted to advertise it on my MSN, FB and blog. But for now, I will rein in my enthusiasm and just post it here XD Still, chances of me posting it to FB remains extremely high XP

Corporal Punishment

2010-07-23T04:48:00.000-07:00

'Corporal punishment is lawful in schools. In 2003, discipline guidelines for teachers which made no reference to corporal punishment were being prepared by the Ministry of Education, to replace the 1984 Book of Discipline. Applicable law includes the Education (Amendment) Order (2006) which amends the Education Order (2003), but we have no further details.'
[Source: http://www.endcorporalpunishment.org/pages/progress/reports/brunei.html - report updated February 09]

'80. In relation to questions on corporal punishment and sexual violence, Brunei Darussalam explained that its society was underpinned by the family system, but that there were also specific laws that sought to address all forms of physical and psychological violence and sexual abuse against children. These laws were generally in conformity with the principles and articles ofCRC. Furthermore, regular and systematic awareness programmes were undertaken by the Department of Community Development to publicize and sensitize society on the rights of the child, for instance, by having weekly road shows in schools and weekly media programmes. On corporal punishment in schools, the delegation indicated that it had been prohibited since 1984.'
[Source: http://web61388.aiso.net/resources/infoDetail.asp?ID=21910&flag=report - 09/12/09]

I'm confused. Is corporal punishment allowed in schools or not? Currently, the situation in schools seem to reflect the general acceptance of corporal punishment. Pinching students, hitting students with a ruler, etc to correct the students' behaviour while rare, is rarely commented upon and the teacher goes unpunished.

Why the sudden interest? No worries, I do not plan to hit anyone... YET :P But I just talked about it with a relative and I got a bit riled up.

Getting kicked twice or thrice for failing to wear the school tie by a discipline teacher. Isn't that a bit too much? I felt so angry. And a student that I taught before apparently got slapped in the face with a late slip for coming late to school. It was raining that day. MY STUDENT. Got slapped???

In both cases, these students have violated the school rules. Yes, they are at fault. But physically hurting them - doesn't it reflect unprofessional behaviour on the teacher's part? Wouldn't a warning suffice? I mean, these students who got punished are in sixth form. They are old enough to understand. Ok, maybe I'm a little more than 'a bit riled up'. Hahaha. I suppose actually knowing the people involved more than the nameless, faceless teacher made me side the students more. RAWR. Hence this account of corporal punishment is biased and a little angry. And while I might be really against corporal punishment now, it's not to say that I might become a hypocrite and start hitting my students with a 1 metre ruler in future. Hmm. Imagine.

Anyway, another article to get you thinking:

'Bandar Seri Begawan - A 12-year-old boy allegedly suffered from brain haemorrhage due to what his parents claim was the result of the punishment he received at his school.
The boy was unconscious when he was warded at the SICU (Surgical Intensive Care Unit) at RIMS Hospital in the capital last Friday after undergoing surgery.
According to the father, his son was brought to a govt clinic when the boy complained of headache after a PE session at one of the government schools near the capital April 11.
The father of the boy claimed that his son was allegedly punished during the PE session and was ordered by the teacher to run around the field two times and also do some push-ups. He said that the boy was playing futsal before receiving the punishment.
The father said that he received a call from a teacher saying that his son was not felling well. He quickly rushed to the school and brought his son to the clinic before being transferred to the Emergency Ward in Bandar Seri Begawan.
He later underwent an operation April 12 and was unconscious for a few days.
It is still unknown whether he suffered the injury as a result of the punishment or while playing during the PE session. Doctors treating the boy have declined to comment.
The Ministry of Education sources said that the ministry is concerned about the incident and the matter will be investigated.
The boy is still receiving treatment at a ward at RIPAS Hospital. -- Courtesy of Borneo Bulletin'
[Source: http://bruclass.com/yabb/YaBB.pl?num=1176774843, reported in 2007 - Some very interesting things were being said at this forum about corporal punishment]

Mind you, the case I cited was pretty extreme. Most corporal punishment, if any, in Brunei is milder and perhaps, 'acceptable', for when you 'spare the rod, spoil the child'. For or against?

Side note: There seems to me to be a very thin line dividing corporal punishment and assault and battery, which you could be sued for (not sure.. Elyse!!) From legal-dictionary:

'Assault is an act that creates an apprehension in another of an imminent, harmful, or offensive contact. The act consists of a threat of harm accompanied by an apparent, present ability to carry out the threat. Battery is a harmful or offensive touching of another.'
[Source: http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Assault+and+Battery]

*Shrugs*

Katok tiga kali

2010-07-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

Teaching is definitely what I want to do as a career :)

So many characters, so many lovely personalities to get to know in the classroom, each one just waiting to blow you away with what they can do. And I'm supposed to be the teacher. I know I'm not a competent teacher, far from it! I feel that I'm a horribly boring teacher in training. Lol. I really pity the class who had me for the first week where I screwed up twice really badly due to misunderstandings and miscommunications. In the midst of a test too. But one day, perhaps, I can properly say that I am a teacher. And hopefully, I can help them get the results the students deserve, for sadly, at the end of the day, the marks you get are what matters the most and what people judge you by.

Attaching there is such an experience. Sometimes, I may have felt that I have been taken advantage of and I minded being a doormat, but as I got to know the students I felt the politics of teaching less keenly. If I had been taken advantage of unintentionally, I beg your pardon for these accusations, but if your consciousness pricks you I am content to let that uncomfortable feeling go no further because each moment I spent teaching to the best of my limited abilities was an experience. If that experience did not break me, it could only make me stronger right? And the students helped me. A lot more than they could imagine.

LOLL. Super emo post. But anyways. It is with a bittersweet feeling that I will carry with me to Katok on my last day this Saturday.

Oh, and His Majesty visited today! Did not get to see him personally but Yee did. But I know what I would have told him. I would have said thanks for implementing the scholarship system. It has helped, so much.

Midnight. Happy Birthday, His Majesty!

S-pain

2010-07-13T02:26:00.000-07:00

Why is it that the holidays have been so tiring so far? Tiring, but fun.

Side note: Spain won the World Cup! Woke up for it. Contributed to my tiredness :P Perhaps. When I told my student that, she said, ahh, that's why you did not stay for the afternoon class. SHH. That was supposed to be a secret! XP

Post Singapore

2010-07-03T04:58:00.000-07:00

Universal Studios, Singapore, was really fun! XD A definite recommendation - the rides were awesome and will get the adrenaline in your bloodstream pumping. Getting on a ride is like being transported into the movie itself - I stared into the hungry, gaping jaws of a massive dinosaur and got swallowed by a death's head the size of a room! Even if you don't like the rides, the presentation merits a visit! The theme park looks like it had been taken out from the movies themselves :D Also, the 4D cinema, Steven Speilberg director's set and the Monster Rock concert were child-friendly (or shall I say senior friendly, seeing that my bro had the guts to go on EVERY SINGLE RIDE despite it being his first time on roller coasters - *proud!* - while my parents stayed on solid ground). The only downside, perhaps, is its newness since some rides are yet to be opened; a day is enough to cover the place. And there are hordes of people and massive queues, but man, it was so worth it! XD

I had my very first KBox experience, too! I never stepped inside one before - a KBox room is basically a simple little room with a screen in front, sofas and (probably?) soundproof walls. Woo :D Meetings, and a parting. But parting is temporary. Returned to Brunei late Tuesday night/ early Wednesday morning. With bakwa in my luggage and my tummy. Mmm.

Anyways, post holiday, life was spent cleaning (sometimes after those darn lizards who poo everywhere!), meeting people (HALO! XD You know who you are) and killing my brain cells. I watched the spoon, Charlie the Unicorn and the Annoying Orange in one shot today. Oh-my-goodness. I'm surprised I have the energy to type this out after that retarded visual marathon. Lol. Now I'm catching up on Glee since I've finished Durarara! After that, Hetalia! XD

Anyways, I'm reading up on Angela Carter! She writes awesome gothic versions of folklore and fairy tales. Much love :D She sort of reminds me of Neil Gaiman, but her writing style is more sinister and her themes, more dark. But her language is so rich, it's like reading poetry. Writing about her seems more dissertation worthy at the moment. Oh yeah. I can return to Cambridge next year cos I passed! :D But I definitely have to work harder next year :P But that doesn't mean I'll stop playing :P

PS. No real lizards pooed on me. That would be an absolute fail. But they poo everywhere else so there is no lack of cleaning to be done! GRR.

Back again

2010-06-21T09:56:00.001-07:00

I'm back in Brunei! XD Although, I might have scared my parents a little. Yee called me defective. With a sunburn from trekking, a purple bruise (from carrying boxes) and a broken pair of glasses which I had been wearing for a week or so by taping the crack (I broke them by dropping them lol), I have to admit that I look like a victim of abuse. But I'm not. Just clumsy over a relatively short time period ><

Hue lent me an old pair as a replacement for my glasses up til I get a new pair. It's black framed and I feel super nerdy in it! Haha.

Tarap grew~! XD He's nearly as tall as me now! YAY.

Celebrated father's day yesterday at Seasons. The food was relatively (to Brunei) pricey at B$25 a head but the buffet was AMAZING. The mussels deserve special mention for being fresh, delicately cheesy and delicious! XD

Back but then again, I'm leaving for Singapore tomorrow til the 29th. Haha.

Also, hope you had an amazing 20th LHH~! XD

Just a little bit longer

2010-06-18T04:36:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving for home tomorrow.

I'm quite excited. I can't wait to see my mummy, daddy and little brother again. Another nine months had passed, and they had passed by rather quickly, I suppose.

I know I disappear from the online world into the pressures of daily living in Cambridge such that I don't make ideal contact. But frankly, it cheers me up to know that at the end of the day, I have a home to go back to :)

The Lake District/ Edinburgh trip with C, J, CK, CS, YH, YY, J(e), D and J(u) was simply amazing. Some views simply can't be captured on camera. The Lake District is like poetry written on the surface of the earth. I intend to upload the pictures, nonetheless. One day. Lol. But anyways, the people are amazing too! :D I had a lot of fun and many new happy memories XD And I managed to have dinner with HH and N!!!! XD XD XD Just like old times. Hehe

Some last minute packing to sort out and then I will be done :)

Live it up!

2010-06-04T13:27:00.000-07:00

Izzay is in Cambridge! Her creation as featured above. I LIKE!! XD

Botanical gardens. Aching feet. Shopping tomorrow. Birthday dinner. Yee returns to Reading on Sunday. London on Monday. Wicked. Wah. Hectic life once more :P